Dear Avid Reader,
"I'm different. I have a different constitution, I have a different brain, I have a different heart. I got tiger blood, man."
Thank you Carlos Irwin Estevez. You are a genius.
I Don't Really Like Talking About My Flair
Fantasy. Reality. What is the difference? I'm not sure anymore.
Everyone loves the movie Office Space. That is a given. Well at least cool people love it. All uncool people should stop reading and start watching.
I Wouldn't Say I've Been Missing It Bob
The core of the film is the "working man's blues". Job sucks, girlfriend's cheating on me, friends are no help. And of course the movie takes us on the journey of how Peter overcomes this by altering his persepctive on his life.
I'd like to take this moment to remark on how convincing the switch over from sad sack to rocks star is. For a light comedy the acting is great. Whenever I re-watch the movie, I'm always struck by how beat down Peter is early on. The time the character spends as a loser is so short, I fully expect the movie to begin when Peter walks in to Chotskies to ask Joanna out. That's how cool the movie is. It surprises me every time even though I've seen it twenty times.
The Ratio Of People To Cake Is Too Many
So as I watched the flick today and I realized that Peter's fantasy life is just like his real life, but more honest. In his fantasy he tells his bosses what he really thinks. He doesn't unleash his rage, he is simply expressing his true self. He's able to talk to Joanna in a similar way. Not in an overly romantic way, just that he want to try and date her.
The key example is how he encounters his actual work. He had been doing nothing during the hours he was working before the hypnotist, but after the session, he no longer hides this fact. Nothing actually changed except that he accepts the truth of what he actually does during the day. His fantasy is to be more honest about his reality. His fantasy, in a way, is realer than his reality.
I Can't Believe What A Bunch Of Nerds We Are, We're Looking Up "Money Laundering" In The Dictionary
The most important scene, for me, is when Tom is talking with the Bobs. Tom knows that he actually does nothing of value for the company he works for. But he also knows that he must try and keep this fact a secret in order to stay employed. In the same way the Bobs do not reveal that their intention is to find out who they can lay-off without disrupting the company's bottom line. Both parties know the truth about what is happening in the meeting, yet neither is willing engage the reality. Instead they dance. A terrible, sorrowful dance.
This scene is not really a funny scene. It is more of a tragic scene. Hiding intentions and real motives are common in life. No one wants to admit they are selfish, so a game is played instead. The rules are to see who can live with the lie for the longest period of time. Once someone cracks and reveals the truth, they lose. If Tom were to attack the Bobs for being hatchet-men, he'd be seen as rude and if he admits that he doesn't actually do any work, the Bobs can fire him and claim that they had no choice. It's lose lose.
See, no one wants to make a decision. And I'm not sure when it became the norm for managers to avoid making any decisions, but that is exactly what is happening in the workplace. Decisions are tricky things, I understand that. Once a decision is made, it can only go one of two ways, good or bad. Success of failure. And rather than risk making a wrong decision, why not try and manage something without making decisions at all? Try and make it look like your subordinates made the choice. And then, Blame the policy for being unclear. Never make a definitive call, so as to leave a way to wriggle out later. I'm kind of on a soapbox here. Rant complete, back to the essay.
I Believe You Have My Stapler
I guess I wonder what it says when someone's greatest dream is the waking world. All of this bullcrap that stops individuals from true intimacy and honest is borne out of comfort. The lies are nicer and seem less cruel than the truth. But that's just it, they only seem that way, they are actually more cruel. It's a short term gain and a long term loss. And that is what has come to define the last decade. Unsustainable debt. Trading the welfare of the future generations for the care of the current. It's no wonder that our fantasy is a return to reality.
And if we look at Ol' Charlie Sheen's current "breakdown" we can see an extreme case of what the rest of the country feels. He sees no reason to keep his true feelings inside. I don't think he's having a drug breakdown, he's the first astronaut to be launched into the new world of the hyper real. if you think you are better than everyone, that you are a warlock or battle-tested bayonet, why be ashamed of that? Why worry that other people may be put off by your arrogance? After all, you're an F-18, capable of shooting others down in mid-air.
Politeness has become the enemy. The illusion that we are forever altruistic ruining the oceans. No one can't shave straight because there's a fun-house mirror installed above the sink. The one that doesn't tell if a few pounds have been gained. The carnival has become a nightmare.
And that is why Office Space is a great movie. It's not as funny the more you watch it, but in a good way.
Until Next I Blog,
James
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
Week 25: The Rocky Horror Picture Show
Dear Avid Reader,
My readers come here for the dynamic insight into pop culture and crazy writing. And of course always I deliver.
Always.
Get ready to be served.
At The Late Night, Double Feature, Picture Show
The worst thing that happened in pop culture during the last few decades happened in the sub-genres that are referred to as "nerdy". Comics, video games, underground music, and et cetera. Typically they are children's hobbies that are still enjoyed ironically, or unironically, by adults. Usually unironically.
Now this isn't a treatise on how a scene was better "back when". I don't know. Maybe it is. I leave it to the reader to decide. But I am trying to at least avoid comparisons of quality. This is because I think movies, music, and the like are better than ever. I really do. But there has been a change that I cannot abide. And that will be our fifteen minutes traffic upon this blog. Anon!
Well You Got Caught With A Flat Well How 'Bout That
I went to my first live showing of Rocky Horror just recently. And before I tell you what happened, we are going to do some background about this flick and me. When I was in 5th-7th grade I rolled with some cool people. Now that I think about it, they were probably some of the most influential people on my early development.
(I realize right now that this is going to be more of a "diary" entry rather than a crazy writing experiment. I'm not sure how this will turn out, but I have high hopes. Back to the essay.)
Now I was really shy. Seriously. Very shy. So I was in the background of this group. The leader was Michael. The guy was a leader and what's more he knew it. The guy was basically an eleven-year-old dictator. He went to theatre classes and quickly moved to bring us into this world into ours. Monty Python was an early addition. Michael had bought the books, records, and everything. And we soon began to run lines during recess. Seriously, we ran the lines. Like we were about to go on stage after lunch. Seriously. No seriously, this really happened.
I'm A Wild And An Untamed Thing I'm A Bee With A Deadly Sting
I realize this was crazy now that I've grown up. But what did we know? We were kind of the weird outsider kids. If I played Wall-Ball, I was always targeted to get bombarded until I quit. Other playground equipment had been claimed by this group or the other. This insane, drama club was the only place that would have me. So I hunkered in and learned the lines to the Dead Parrot Sketch. Anything was better than getting pelted by a tennis ball.
These experiences began my love affair with the theatre and my hatred of bullies. i can't abide a bully. And to me bullies don't take lunch money. No, bullies are people who have dedicated themselves to excluding others. They are professional ostracizers. They want to dominate someone else. It's never material, it's social. I'd much rather be robbed than humiliated. Especially in middle school.
Being exiled has always been the ultimate punishment. To be cast out. And there is a certain romance associated with the outcast in the stories we like. It's as if the individual that doesn't belong is able to see a truth that is hidden from those that do. His isolation has allowed him some perspective. He is detached and can look at his own kind as a scientist would look at a maze of rats. And by using his outsider insight, the society can benefit from the outcast's years away. In a way, they did that guy a favor.
"Bullcrap," says the unwanted man, "And don't break your arm patting yourself on the back. Once I build a raft out of these trees, I'm paddling off this island and I'm burning down that crooked judge's house. I'll show you insight!"
Cards For Sorrow, Cards For Pain
Now one would think that the downtrodden dorks of the world would understand the pain of being picked on and you wouldn't have dork bullies. But sadly this is not the case. And the rise in incidents of dork-bullying is what has made some fun pop culture moments so terrible. Including my recent trip to see Rocky Horror.
By seventh grade Michael had decided that we should try and go to a live showing of Rocky Horror. Being that this was still pre-Internet, he had bought all of the books, albums, and other stuff he needed to train us in to a lean, mean, audience-participating' machine. The Time-Warp obstacle course took more than one life, but we honored their deaths with many toast-throwing toasts.
Mind you, he didn't buy the actual movie so as to let the first time we saw it was to be in the theatre. And we were all game. Again, you have to realize our situation. What were we going to do? Get tossed off a jungle gym for being weird or learn the words to Sweet Transvestite. Pass me the music sheet please.
Rose Tints My World And Keeps Me Safe From My Trouble And Pain
But as we got closer to actually going, Michael began to turn fanatical. The turning point came when he decided that we were going to dress up as the characters. He claimed the character of Riff-Raff (distressed butler uniform) for himself, and then began making pronouncements about the rest of us. Who would be Dr. Frank (had to wear lingerie) and Rocky (nothing but a gold bikini bottom) became his single focus and dominated conversations.
He outlawed dressing as Brad, I guess because that was too easy to just wear a tux. Eddie was up for grabs, but it seemed like it wasn't ideal. Someone could be Dr. Scott, but they had to find a wheelchair. Of course I had no idea where to get one so that was out. And we had no idea that the Criminologist even existed because Michael had assumed that all of his parts were being spoken by the Pair of Lips from the opening. We weren't quite the machine we had aspired to.
In the end parents were not on board with us going. We ended up watching the movie at someones house, participating in whatever capacity we could. But the ruthlessness of Michael during those planning days has always stuck with me. Rather than getting everyone to enjoy the flick, it became more and more like he was issuing orders. And it was obvious he enjoyed the thought of us being embarrassed. At some point he had realized he was king of the geek. It was only a matter of time until he began commanding his subjects.
Hot Patootie, Bless My Soul I Really Love That Rock And Roll
One might assume that this experience would cause me to hate Rocky Horror. But this is not the case. I love the movie. I really do. Rocky Horror is fun, crazy, excessive and really original. It's easy to see why there would be a cult following for it. And those recesses spent memorizing lyrics were also fun. Michael did cross the line, but only as he got worked into a fever pitch as the event became closer. For the most part, we had fun feeding off his enthusiasm. Just like with Monty Python.
See Michael touched on something that has become all too common in these weird little niche worlds of pop culture. Early on the outcasts found these little veins of music and film that no one else had discovered. And they began to mine them. Far away from the village, the exiles had to find new places to mine. And they found strange ores like Punk, B-Movies, and graphic novels. And as the village began to exhaust their deposits, the expanded and began to bump against the exiles. Of course the little hamlets that had been hastily constructed in the wilderness. Could they stand a chance again the armies of the many? The war of the mainstream and the underground had begun.
It easy for me to write the above paragraph because that is exactly how I felt for most of my adolescence. That cool stuff needed to be protected. The geeks finally had something that the popular people wanted and we'd all be damned if they were allowed to ever enjoy it. I'm not sure who came up with the plan to become uptight snobs, but it sure caught on. And it sure convinced a lot of people.
But the plan to become so protective has back-fired. In our effort to punish those that first threw us out of the warmth of inclusion, we have started to ruin the things that we love. If an individual says they like "indie music", the impulse to roll one's eyes is staggering. These rare jewels that were so glittering when first brought to the surface are now considered tarnished. Tacky. Nerd is now short hand for pretentious. And I for won't don't blame anyone for thinking that.
Don't Dream It, Be It
This snobbishness is what happened to me at the live showing of Rocky Horror. I saw a group of people going through the motions. No joy. No fun. This was their way of indicating how much smarter they were because they knew when to throw the toilet paper. What was once a shelter that was built warm the excluded had turned into a fortress to fend off invaders. A theatre full of people paid ten bucks to be bullied by twenty nerds.
Soon, though, soon the older nerds will die off or move on. The memory of being exiled will lost. I envision a world were it is impossible to feel excluded. Even the Rocky live shows will change into the bubbly events they once were. It's already happening now. And it's wonderful.
And when that day comes, we will all dance the Time-Warp...together.
Until Next I Blog,
James
My readers come here for the dynamic insight into pop culture and crazy writing. And of course always I deliver.
Always.
Get ready to be served.
At The Late Night, Double Feature, Picture Show
The worst thing that happened in pop culture during the last few decades happened in the sub-genres that are referred to as "nerdy". Comics, video games, underground music, and et cetera. Typically they are children's hobbies that are still enjoyed ironically, or unironically, by adults. Usually unironically.
Now this isn't a treatise on how a scene was better "back when". I don't know. Maybe it is. I leave it to the reader to decide. But I am trying to at least avoid comparisons of quality. This is because I think movies, music, and the like are better than ever. I really do. But there has been a change that I cannot abide. And that will be our fifteen minutes traffic upon this blog. Anon!
Well You Got Caught With A Flat Well How 'Bout That
I went to my first live showing of Rocky Horror just recently. And before I tell you what happened, we are going to do some background about this flick and me. When I was in 5th-7th grade I rolled with some cool people. Now that I think about it, they were probably some of the most influential people on my early development.
(I realize right now that this is going to be more of a "diary" entry rather than a crazy writing experiment. I'm not sure how this will turn out, but I have high hopes. Back to the essay.)
Now I was really shy. Seriously. Very shy. So I was in the background of this group. The leader was Michael. The guy was a leader and what's more he knew it. The guy was basically an eleven-year-old dictator. He went to theatre classes and quickly moved to bring us into this world into ours. Monty Python was an early addition. Michael had bought the books, records, and everything. And we soon began to run lines during recess. Seriously, we ran the lines. Like we were about to go on stage after lunch. Seriously. No seriously, this really happened.
I'm A Wild And An Untamed Thing I'm A Bee With A Deadly Sting
I realize this was crazy now that I've grown up. But what did we know? We were kind of the weird outsider kids. If I played Wall-Ball, I was always targeted to get bombarded until I quit. Other playground equipment had been claimed by this group or the other. This insane, drama club was the only place that would have me. So I hunkered in and learned the lines to the Dead Parrot Sketch. Anything was better than getting pelted by a tennis ball.
These experiences began my love affair with the theatre and my hatred of bullies. i can't abide a bully. And to me bullies don't take lunch money. No, bullies are people who have dedicated themselves to excluding others. They are professional ostracizers. They want to dominate someone else. It's never material, it's social. I'd much rather be robbed than humiliated. Especially in middle school.
Being exiled has always been the ultimate punishment. To be cast out. And there is a certain romance associated with the outcast in the stories we like. It's as if the individual that doesn't belong is able to see a truth that is hidden from those that do. His isolation has allowed him some perspective. He is detached and can look at his own kind as a scientist would look at a maze of rats. And by using his outsider insight, the society can benefit from the outcast's years away. In a way, they did that guy a favor.
"Bullcrap," says the unwanted man, "And don't break your arm patting yourself on the back. Once I build a raft out of these trees, I'm paddling off this island and I'm burning down that crooked judge's house. I'll show you insight!"
Cards For Sorrow, Cards For Pain
Now one would think that the downtrodden dorks of the world would understand the pain of being picked on and you wouldn't have dork bullies. But sadly this is not the case. And the rise in incidents of dork-bullying is what has made some fun pop culture moments so terrible. Including my recent trip to see Rocky Horror.
By seventh grade Michael had decided that we should try and go to a live showing of Rocky Horror. Being that this was still pre-Internet, he had bought all of the books, albums, and other stuff he needed to train us in to a lean, mean, audience-participating' machine. The Time-Warp obstacle course took more than one life, but we honored their deaths with many toast-throwing toasts.
Mind you, he didn't buy the actual movie so as to let the first time we saw it was to be in the theatre. And we were all game. Again, you have to realize our situation. What were we going to do? Get tossed off a jungle gym for being weird or learn the words to Sweet Transvestite. Pass me the music sheet please.
Rose Tints My World And Keeps Me Safe From My Trouble And Pain
But as we got closer to actually going, Michael began to turn fanatical. The turning point came when he decided that we were going to dress up as the characters. He claimed the character of Riff-Raff (distressed butler uniform) for himself, and then began making pronouncements about the rest of us. Who would be Dr. Frank (had to wear lingerie) and Rocky (nothing but a gold bikini bottom) became his single focus and dominated conversations.
He outlawed dressing as Brad, I guess because that was too easy to just wear a tux. Eddie was up for grabs, but it seemed like it wasn't ideal. Someone could be Dr. Scott, but they had to find a wheelchair. Of course I had no idea where to get one so that was out. And we had no idea that the Criminologist even existed because Michael had assumed that all of his parts were being spoken by the Pair of Lips from the opening. We weren't quite the machine we had aspired to.
In the end parents were not on board with us going. We ended up watching the movie at someones house, participating in whatever capacity we could. But the ruthlessness of Michael during those planning days has always stuck with me. Rather than getting everyone to enjoy the flick, it became more and more like he was issuing orders. And it was obvious he enjoyed the thought of us being embarrassed. At some point he had realized he was king of the geek. It was only a matter of time until he began commanding his subjects.
Hot Patootie, Bless My Soul I Really Love That Rock And Roll
One might assume that this experience would cause me to hate Rocky Horror. But this is not the case. I love the movie. I really do. Rocky Horror is fun, crazy, excessive and really original. It's easy to see why there would be a cult following for it. And those recesses spent memorizing lyrics were also fun. Michael did cross the line, but only as he got worked into a fever pitch as the event became closer. For the most part, we had fun feeding off his enthusiasm. Just like with Monty Python.
See Michael touched on something that has become all too common in these weird little niche worlds of pop culture. Early on the outcasts found these little veins of music and film that no one else had discovered. And they began to mine them. Far away from the village, the exiles had to find new places to mine. And they found strange ores like Punk, B-Movies, and graphic novels. And as the village began to exhaust their deposits, the expanded and began to bump against the exiles. Of course the little hamlets that had been hastily constructed in the wilderness. Could they stand a chance again the armies of the many? The war of the mainstream and the underground had begun.
It easy for me to write the above paragraph because that is exactly how I felt for most of my adolescence. That cool stuff needed to be protected. The geeks finally had something that the popular people wanted and we'd all be damned if they were allowed to ever enjoy it. I'm not sure who came up with the plan to become uptight snobs, but it sure caught on. And it sure convinced a lot of people.
But the plan to become so protective has back-fired. In our effort to punish those that first threw us out of the warmth of inclusion, we have started to ruin the things that we love. If an individual says they like "indie music", the impulse to roll one's eyes is staggering. These rare jewels that were so glittering when first brought to the surface are now considered tarnished. Tacky. Nerd is now short hand for pretentious. And I for won't don't blame anyone for thinking that.
Don't Dream It, Be It
This snobbishness is what happened to me at the live showing of Rocky Horror. I saw a group of people going through the motions. No joy. No fun. This was their way of indicating how much smarter they were because they knew when to throw the toilet paper. What was once a shelter that was built warm the excluded had turned into a fortress to fend off invaders. A theatre full of people paid ten bucks to be bullied by twenty nerds.
Soon, though, soon the older nerds will die off or move on. The memory of being exiled will lost. I envision a world were it is impossible to feel excluded. Even the Rocky live shows will change into the bubbly events they once were. It's already happening now. And it's wonderful.
And when that day comes, we will all dance the Time-Warp...together.
Until Next I Blog,
James
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Week 24: Airplane!
Dear Avid Reader,
Two Strangers On A Plane. The are completely unassuming except the gentleman has no body save for his head and the lady is a very attractive blond that is also a cyborg-mermaid.
Two Strangers On A Plane. The are completely unassuming except the gentleman has no body save for his head and the lady is a very attractive blond that is also a cyborg-mermaid.
And Leon Is Getting Larger
Gentleman: Looks like there's gonna be rain when we land.
Lady: Excuse me?
Gentleman: There's rain in Boulder. Rain tomorrow too. You live in Boulder?
Lady: Oh no. Just visiting.
Gentleman: Oh.
Lady: Excuse me?
Gentleman: There's rain in Boulder. Rain tomorrow too. You live in Boulder?
Lady: Oh no. Just visiting.
Gentleman: Oh.
It Happened To Barbara Stanwyck
(The plane begins it's ascent into the swirling clouds)
Gentleman: Who are you visiting? In Boulder?
Lady: It's a wedding. My sister's.
Gentleman: Oh that's wonderful. Just wonderful. I love weddings.
Lady: Hmmm.
Gentleman: I'm Tom. Tom York. I'm headed back home after a work trip in Baltimore. Or was it Jacksonville?
Lady: What work do you do?
Gentleman: Exotic Dancer. Been doing it for 3 years. Just coming home from the national conference.
Lady: Interesting.
Gentleman: Before that I was a Citrus Fruit Dyer. That's what my father and his father him did. But I just had this itch to get out and see the world. It's hard, but worthwhile.
Lady: Hmmm.
Gentleman: Who are you visiting? In Boulder?
Lady: It's a wedding. My sister's.
Gentleman: Oh that's wonderful. Just wonderful. I love weddings.
Lady: Hmmm.
Gentleman: I'm Tom. Tom York. I'm headed back home after a work trip in Baltimore. Or was it Jacksonville?
Lady: What work do you do?
Gentleman: Exotic Dancer. Been doing it for 3 years. Just coming home from the national conference.
Lady: Interesting.
Gentleman: Before that I was a Citrus Fruit Dyer. That's what my father and his father him did. But I just had this itch to get out and see the world. It's hard, but worthwhile.
Lady: Hmmm.
There's A Sale At Penny's
(The plane finds it's cruising altitude and turns off the seatbelt sign)
Gentleman: What do you do?
Lady: I boil human hair for use in wigs. I also train crocodiles. I'd like to train crocs full time, but with the economy and dynamite rain...
Gentleman: I hear ya. It's tough out there.
Lady: I'm Carol by the way.
Gentleman: It's to meet you Carol. You fly often?
Lady: Rarely. I think I've flown twice in the last year. For my other sister's wedding and then to escape the overgrown beaver that destroyed the castle I was living in.
Gentleman: How was your other sister's wedding.
Lady: Beautiful. It was suspended above a bathtub of pit vipers while we all played Game Boys. She's very traditional.
Gentleman: That's the way it should be. The computer that decides what clothes I wear is super traditional.
Lady: Oh that reminds me that I need to pick up cave diapers. Mine were all destroyed during the beaver incident. (sniff) It was a very difficult time:
(Gentleman wipes her tears away with revolver)
Gentleman: There there. it will be alright.
Lady: Thank you. Look at me. Making a fool of myself in front of a total stranger.
Gentleman: Yes. Yes you are.
Gentleman: What do you do?
Lady: I boil human hair for use in wigs. I also train crocodiles. I'd like to train crocs full time, but with the economy and dynamite rain...
Gentleman: I hear ya. It's tough out there.
Lady: I'm Carol by the way.
Gentleman: It's to meet you Carol. You fly often?
Lady: Rarely. I think I've flown twice in the last year. For my other sister's wedding and then to escape the overgrown beaver that destroyed the castle I was living in.
Gentleman: How was your other sister's wedding.
Lady: Beautiful. It was suspended above a bathtub of pit vipers while we all played Game Boys. She's very traditional.
Gentleman: That's the way it should be. The computer that decides what clothes I wear is super traditional.
Lady: Oh that reminds me that I need to pick up cave diapers. Mine were all destroyed during the beaver incident. (sniff) It was a very difficult time:
(Gentleman wipes her tears away with revolver)
Gentleman: There there. it will be alright.
Lady: Thank you. Look at me. Making a fool of myself in front of a total stranger.
Gentleman: Yes. Yes you are.
Why I Can Make A Hat Or A Brooch Or A Pterodactyl
(The plane rumbles through some mild turbulence.)
Lady: Is it hard to be away from your family during these trips?
Gentleman: It is. My wife and my tree wife are the center of my life right now. And it being harvest at the clenched fist, well, you can imagine I need to hurry home.
Lady: That's so nice. My father worked a catastrophe orchard and sand Mp3 files. My fondest memories are of my times burning the houses down.
Gentleman: Yes, (sniff) it is a wonderful world. Look now you are spreading the fool all around this cabin.
Lady: We are certainly a pear.
Lady: Is it hard to be away from your family during these trips?
Gentleman: It is. My wife and my tree wife are the center of my life right now. And it being harvest at the clenched fist, well, you can imagine I need to hurry home.
Lady: That's so nice. My father worked a catastrophe orchard and sand Mp3 files. My fondest memories are of my times burning the houses down.
Gentleman: Yes, (sniff) it is a wonderful world. Look now you are spreading the fool all around this cabin.
Lady: We are certainly a pear.
How About Mister Rogers?
(The cockpit explodes and the cabin plummets to the ground from 37,000 feet.)
Lady: Oh just my luck. And right before the in-flight too.
Gentleman: It was Airplane. That funny movie. Have you seen it before?
Lady: Oh yes. I love that movie. Don't you think it's interesting that it is still fresh after all these years.
Gentleman: I know. It's a spoof. You'd think the humor would seem very dated, but it doesn't. The only bad thing about it is how you can trace the line from it to those awful spoof movies you see now. Like Scary Movie, or Epic Movie...
Lady: Oh, I do hate those movies. But Airplane. I remember seeing it when I was very young, but those images stuck with me. Like the "drinking problem" gag or when the kid's I.V. gets unplugged. At this point they aren't even funny parts of the movie because they are such an integral part of my memories.
Gentleman: For me it's the zaniness of Johnny. His non-sequiturs, right out of left field. I love that kind of humor.
Lady: Well, it has been nice talking with you Tom.
Gentleman: You too Carol.
Lady: Maybe you could bring the family to the wedding. You know. My sister's.
Gentleman: I think that would be lovely.
Until Next I Blog,
James
Lady: Oh just my luck. And right before the in-flight too.
Gentleman: It was Airplane. That funny movie. Have you seen it before?
Lady: Oh yes. I love that movie. Don't you think it's interesting that it is still fresh after all these years.
Gentleman: I know. It's a spoof. You'd think the humor would seem very dated, but it doesn't. The only bad thing about it is how you can trace the line from it to those awful spoof movies you see now. Like Scary Movie, or Epic Movie...
Lady: Oh, I do hate those movies. But Airplane. I remember seeing it when I was very young, but those images stuck with me. Like the "drinking problem" gag or when the kid's I.V. gets unplugged. At this point they aren't even funny parts of the movie because they are such an integral part of my memories.
Gentleman: For me it's the zaniness of Johnny. His non-sequiturs, right out of left field. I love that kind of humor.
Lady: Well, it has been nice talking with you Tom.
Gentleman: You too Carol.
Lady: Maybe you could bring the family to the wedding. You know. My sister's.
Gentleman: I think that would be lovely.
Until Next I Blog,
James
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Week 23: Groundhog Day
Dear Avid Reader,
A groundhog, a beetle, and a horse. Stone cold chillin'.
A groundhog, a beetle, and a horse. Stone cold chillin'.
Well, What If There Is No Tomorrow? There Wasn't One Today.
Horse: Here's what I wanted to say. I just think it's pretty sweet to have a day that belongs to you. It's like a big deal.
Groundhog: Hardly. They wake me up, early mind you, and hoist me up while a bunch of rubes stand there slack-jawed demanding that I predict the future. I'm not freaking God!
Horse: Really? I mean I get a lot of play for being a horse. My power is a standard for the auto industry. They are always filming a western. The theft of me is a capital offense on some books still. But never my own day.
Groundhog: That stupid legend and that idiot Sonic are the worst things that ever happened to me.
Groundhog: Hardly. They wake me up, early mind you, and hoist me up while a bunch of rubes stand there slack-jawed demanding that I predict the future. I'm not freaking God!
Horse: Really? I mean I get a lot of play for being a horse. My power is a standard for the auto industry. They are always filming a western. The theft of me is a capital offense on some books still. But never my own day.
Groundhog: That stupid legend and that idiot Sonic are the worst things that ever happened to me.
They Used To Pull The Hog Out And They Used To Eat It. You're Hypocrites!
Horse: Isn't there a movie about Groundhog Day?
Groundhog: You have movies too. Seabiscuit, National Velvet, Secretariat, Horse Whisperer, freaking Black Beauty.
Horse: Yeah but those movies sucked. Groundhog Day was a great film.
Beetle: True that! Bill Murray rocks. You guys seen The Man Who Knew Too Little? Great flick. Totally underrated.
Groundhog: That Groundhog Day movie just further mythologized that moronic day. It created more buzz for the worst holiday on the calendar. The only day worse is April Fool's Day cause it basically gives d-bags a free pass.
Horse: I think it's truly an original work. I think they captured a common fantasy that most people have. To get a second chance. To get to live a day over and get it right.
Beetle: True that! That would rule.
Groundhog: Would it? I mean let's say Phil in the movies never breaks free. Would the next logical thing for him to start doing is the really bad stuff? Wouldn't he crack and start using heroin? Or killing people? Would he become addicted to these things? Is there such a thing as mental addiction and is it stronger than physical addiction?
Horse: That's dark.
Beetle: Way dark. And way METAL!
Groundhog: You have movies too. Seabiscuit, National Velvet, Secretariat, Horse Whisperer, freaking Black Beauty.
Horse: Yeah but those movies sucked. Groundhog Day was a great film.
Beetle: True that! Bill Murray rocks. You guys seen The Man Who Knew Too Little? Great flick. Totally underrated.
Groundhog: That Groundhog Day movie just further mythologized that moronic day. It created more buzz for the worst holiday on the calendar. The only day worse is April Fool's Day cause it basically gives d-bags a free pass.
Horse: I think it's truly an original work. I think they captured a common fantasy that most people have. To get a second chance. To get to live a day over and get it right.
Beetle: True that! That would rule.
Groundhog: Would it? I mean let's say Phil in the movies never breaks free. Would the next logical thing for him to start doing is the really bad stuff? Wouldn't he crack and start using heroin? Or killing people? Would he become addicted to these things? Is there such a thing as mental addiction and is it stronger than physical addiction?
Horse: That's dark.
Beetle: Way dark. And way METAL!
Anything Different Is Good
Horse: Groundhog Day shouldn't be thought of in those terms. Look at the broader impact of that movie. It's like "It's A Wonderful Life". It has created a short-hand for an entire story. If I say, "It's like Gift of the Magi" you know immediately what I'm talking about.
Groundhog: Yeah but, did you know in the military having a "groundhog day" means unchanging, terrible conditions? I looked that up on Wikipedia.
Beetle: Oh yeah! Wikipedia burn! Wikipedia rules.
Horse: Be that as it may, I think that just strengthens my point. That this movie achieves what the greatest artworks achieve. Permeation into the culture. You must understand this work in order to understand the greater conversation of the society.
Groundhog: How did we get here? Weren't we originally talking about our current legacies in the culture based on humanity's arbitrary decisions? Like why did they choose me to decide on the weather forecast? How did those two things ever become connected? It's stupid.
Beetle: It originated from the German custom of Candelmas dating all the way back to 1841. The emphasis was more on the cloudiness of the day rather than the groundhog. The sunnier the day, the longer the winter. The cloudier, the shorter.
Groundhog: What?
Beetle: Wikipedia on my iPhone for the win! Let's go get drunk!
Until Next I Blog,
James
Groundhog: Yeah but, did you know in the military having a "groundhog day" means unchanging, terrible conditions? I looked that up on Wikipedia.
Beetle: Oh yeah! Wikipedia burn! Wikipedia rules.
Horse: Be that as it may, I think that just strengthens my point. That this movie achieves what the greatest artworks achieve. Permeation into the culture. You must understand this work in order to understand the greater conversation of the society.
Groundhog: How did we get here? Weren't we originally talking about our current legacies in the culture based on humanity's arbitrary decisions? Like why did they choose me to decide on the weather forecast? How did those two things ever become connected? It's stupid.
Beetle: It originated from the German custom of Candelmas dating all the way back to 1841. The emphasis was more on the cloudiness of the day rather than the groundhog. The sunnier the day, the longer the winter. The cloudier, the shorter.
Groundhog: What?
Beetle: Wikipedia on my iPhone for the win! Let's go get drunk!
Until Next I Blog,
James
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Week 22: Back To The Future
Dear Avid Reader,
A bespectacled, 30-foot, green, scaly dragon enters his cave and sits on his couch, weary from work. His roommate, a 5' 9", scrawny man wearing a threadbare knit cap and Limp Bizkit t-shirt, enters from his room and sits next to the dragon.
This is their story. It's not mine.
A bespectacled, 30-foot, green, scaly dragon enters his cave and sits on his couch, weary from work. His roommate, a 5' 9", scrawny man wearing a threadbare knit cap and Limp Bizkit t-shirt, enters from his room and sits next to the dragon.
This is their story. It's not mine.
Weight Has Nothing To Do With It
Bro-seph: Sup bra. Just get off work?
Dragon: Yeah. It's been a brutal day.
B: F*****g hear you son. Work sucks.
D: Yeah.
(Dragon turns on TV, checks over his recorded shows)
D: Oh, Back to the Future. I love this movie.
B: Huh. Haven't seen it in like forever. F*****g play it dude. Work doesn't start for like a half an hour.
D: Alright. Here we go.
Dragon: Yeah. It's been a brutal day.
B: F*****g hear you son. Work sucks.
D: Yeah.
(Dragon turns on TV, checks over his recorded shows)
D: Oh, Back to the Future. I love this movie.
B: Huh. Haven't seen it in like forever. F*****g play it dude. Work doesn't start for like a half an hour.
D: Alright. Here we go.
And Jack Benny Is Secretary Of The Treasury
(Minutes Pass)
B: His band sucks.
D: Marty's? The Pinheads?
B: Yeah. What the f*** kinda song was that?
D: I think it was just the riff from Power of Love by Huey Lewis and the News.
B: It sucks.
D: You know, Huey decided to do the music for this movie after Ray Parker Jr. allegedly ripped the song Ghostbusters off of I Want a New Drug.
B: Hell yeah. I'd totally rip this s*** off and make some serious bank. I'm totally starting my band back up.
D: I'm sure there are plenty of directors that are looking for Huey Lewis inspired covers for their projects.
B: F*** yeah. Kick a**.
B: His band sucks.
D: Marty's? The Pinheads?
B: Yeah. What the f*** kinda song was that?
D: I think it was just the riff from Power of Love by Huey Lewis and the News.
B: It sucks.
D: You know, Huey decided to do the music for this movie after Ray Parker Jr. allegedly ripped the song Ghostbusters off of I Want a New Drug.
B: Hell yeah. I'd totally rip this s*** off and make some serious bank. I'm totally starting my band back up.
D: I'm sure there are plenty of directors that are looking for Huey Lewis inspired covers for their projects.
B: F*** yeah. Kick a**.
What The Hell Is A Gigawatt?
(Minutes Pass)
B: That doctor dude is a s****y shot.
D: Doc Brown? He's probably a little nervous because the Libyans have AK's.
B: Phst. Whatevah. If those a****les started shooting at me, I'd f*****g blow their heads off. Dude's dealing with terrorists and he's only carrying a f*****g revolver? Gotta represent!
D: Aren't you late for work?
B: Nah, I can stay for a while. It doesn't get busy until like seven.
B: That doctor dude is a s****y shot.
D: Doc Brown? He's probably a little nervous because the Libyans have AK's.
B: Phst. Whatevah. If those a****les started shooting at me, I'd f*****g blow their heads off. Dude's dealing with terrorists and he's only carrying a f*****g revolver? Gotta represent!
D: Aren't you late for work?
B: Nah, I can stay for a while. It doesn't get busy until like seven.
Calvin Klein? It's Written All Over Your Underwear
(Minutes Pass. Bro-Seph steps out of his room wearing his work uniform.)
B: Alright, what'd I miss?
D: It's the night of the Enchantment Under the Sea dance. Marty and his mom are parked and waiting for George.
B: Cool.
(Pause)
B: Damn she's hot.
D: Yeah?
B: I'd totally hit that. If I was him, I'd be all over it.
D: It's his mom.
B: So. You can't be passing that up.
D: You are gross.
B: You're telling me that you wouldn't hit that.
D: Absolutely not. If I knew it was my mother, I couldn't possibly bring myself to try anything sexual with her.
B: P***y.
D: Why do you do this? Why do you always try and ruin things for me. Since you went into your room to get changed, I've been having a great time. I began to reflect on how as we age, we forget how free and energetic our youth was. When we first meet Marty's mom, she is restrictive, and when we see her as a teenager, she is uninhibited. It's completely understandable and natural to try and protect your children from the mistakes you've made, but on the other hand it is totally hypocritical and foolish. And this dynamic is explored in this very light movie. Don't you ever think about things like that?
B: Whatever. You would totally nail her.
B: Alright, what'd I miss?
D: It's the night of the Enchantment Under the Sea dance. Marty and his mom are parked and waiting for George.
B: Cool.
(Pause)
B: Damn she's hot.
D: Yeah?
B: I'd totally hit that. If I was him, I'd be all over it.
D: It's his mom.
B: So. You can't be passing that up.
D: You are gross.
B: You're telling me that you wouldn't hit that.
D: Absolutely not. If I knew it was my mother, I couldn't possibly bring myself to try anything sexual with her.
B: P***y.
D: Why do you do this? Why do you always try and ruin things for me. Since you went into your room to get changed, I've been having a great time. I began to reflect on how as we age, we forget how free and energetic our youth was. When we first meet Marty's mom, she is restrictive, and when we see her as a teenager, she is uninhibited. It's completely understandable and natural to try and protect your children from the mistakes you've made, but on the other hand it is totally hypocritical and foolish. And this dynamic is explored in this very light movie. Don't you ever think about things like that?
B: Whatever. You would totally nail her.
Are You Telling Me That This Sucker Is Nuclear?
(Minutes Pass. The final scene ends. Credits roll.)
B: What? That's it? What happens to them?
D: That's all covered in the other two movies.
B: That blows. Did you record the other ones?
D: Maybe, let me check.
B: Nah forget it, I'm late already.
D: Too bad. I will miss your insight as I watch the other two.
B: If they are like this one, then I don't want to watch them.
D: You don't like Back to the Future?
B: Hell no. The music sucks, there's no sex, and it's boring.
D: I can't believe what I'm hearing. This is an American classic. I thought everyone loved this movie.
B:Everyone that's a p***y.
D: Just go. Leave. Go to work. Stop ruining the things I love.
B: Later.
D: God I have to find another place to live.
Until Next I Blog,
James
B: What? That's it? What happens to them?
D: That's all covered in the other two movies.
B: That blows. Did you record the other ones?
D: Maybe, let me check.
B: Nah forget it, I'm late already.
D: Too bad. I will miss your insight as I watch the other two.
B: If they are like this one, then I don't want to watch them.
D: You don't like Back to the Future?
B: Hell no. The music sucks, there's no sex, and it's boring.
D: I can't believe what I'm hearing. This is an American classic. I thought everyone loved this movie.
B:Everyone that's a p***y.
D: Just go. Leave. Go to work. Stop ruining the things I love.
B: Later.
D: God I have to find another place to live.
Until Next I Blog,
James
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Week 21: Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure
Dear Avid Reader,
In Robot Voice: Blog Transmission Complete. Uploading To Brain Sequence Initiated.
Processing...
Why Would We Lie To Ourselves?
If someone with a had a time machine, he would probably have a lab coat on. I guess he would also probably be a man because I used "he" instead of "she" to describe the person. I guess that is sexist, but what can you do. People who work on theoretically impossible projects are typically men. At least that is what studies show.
Before stepping into the time machine the lab-coated gentleman would explain to the subject he wanted to transport the dangers of walking around in a different time. The subject should avoid any disruptions to the timeline. It would have catastrophic consequences. The subject might wonder aloud why they should even be attempting this. The scientist might mutter under his breath something about the subject sounding just like the fools at the university he used to work at. And also how unfair is was that the subject's gender was never mentioned in this paragraph.
The Only True Wisdom Consists In Knowing That You Know Nothing
Time travel would be tricky. No doubt. I assume most folks would want time travel in order to change something in their past. Something that they wished never happened, something they wish they had pursued, maybe even avert some disaster. I used to work with a guy who legitimately believed that 9/11 and the JFK assassination were perpetrated by time travelers that were preventing World War III. This is real. This guy exists. And why they didn't stop World War II also bothers me. I guess the people of the future are Holocaust deniers.
That Conversation Made More Sense This Time
Unfortunately changing the past always has unintended consequences. But Bill & Ted don't really worry about these problems. And the problems of time travel never happen. Lincoln doesn't get put back in his own time and lose the Civil War. Beethoven doesn't die from a disease from his future that his body can't fight. Sigmund Freud doesn't stop doing cocaine. And I think this is really what people should want from time travel. Basically, time travel tourism.
I think I fantasize about where to visit more than things I would want to change. I'd like to see Chamberlin's 100 point game. Martin Luther nailing the 99 Thesis on the church door. The first Guttenberg Bible coming off the press. Cool stuff like that. Why try and tell the fifteen year-old version of yourself that they should change their college major? I'd probably just think I was another adult to defy. Unless I bought him beer or something. Then I (15 year-old me) would think I (31 year-old me) was cool.
Be Excellent To Each Other
I think a lot about trying to change things. But it is always coupled with a fear that I would end up unraveling something that I love by accident. Like If I were looking for a new job, if I got one, what would I miss about the one I have now? It will probably be something I am not even aware of. Like the chairs.
The chairs? Really? Well I guess maybe. Chairs. Hmmmm.
You Are Dealing With The Oddity Of Time Travel With The Greatest Of Ease
I'm not sure of the strength of this essay. I feel like the weekly writing is starting to expose the limits of my creativity. Like I'm finally scraping the bottom of the barrel. Right now I would like to go into the future and see if I am going to write a better essay next week so I can feel better about mailing it in right now. But I think traveling forward would be the worst thing to do. That would ruin the best part of this project and that is actually writing them. The outcome should be the least of my concerns.
The feeling after running is the best. Relief. Accomplishment. Knowledge. Energy. But that feeling is so temporary. The same is for this blog. I gear up to do it and then once I finish, I feel great. But when it comes time to do the next one, it feels like the ideas won't come. Like the hill I just ran last week got taller. How can the hill keep getting bigger?
Everything Is Different, But The Same... Bigger, And Yet Smaller
And maybe that is what time travel is. A desire to not have to climb the hill. Rather, the traveler can just go back and tell himself to not do the regretful act. Screw the damage to the space-time continuum! I want to not feel regret!
It's sad. That's why Bill and Ted had it right. Time travel should only be used to help with homework.
Until Next I Blog,
James
In Robot Voice: Blog Transmission Complete. Uploading To Brain Sequence Initiated.
Processing...
Why Would We Lie To Ourselves?
If someone with a had a time machine, he would probably have a lab coat on. I guess he would also probably be a man because I used "he" instead of "she" to describe the person. I guess that is sexist, but what can you do. People who work on theoretically impossible projects are typically men. At least that is what studies show.
Before stepping into the time machine the lab-coated gentleman would explain to the subject he wanted to transport the dangers of walking around in a different time. The subject should avoid any disruptions to the timeline. It would have catastrophic consequences. The subject might wonder aloud why they should even be attempting this. The scientist might mutter under his breath something about the subject sounding just like the fools at the university he used to work at. And also how unfair is was that the subject's gender was never mentioned in this paragraph.
The Only True Wisdom Consists In Knowing That You Know Nothing
Time travel would be tricky. No doubt. I assume most folks would want time travel in order to change something in their past. Something that they wished never happened, something they wish they had pursued, maybe even avert some disaster. I used to work with a guy who legitimately believed that 9/11 and the JFK assassination were perpetrated by time travelers that were preventing World War III. This is real. This guy exists. And why they didn't stop World War II also bothers me. I guess the people of the future are Holocaust deniers.
That Conversation Made More Sense This Time
Unfortunately changing the past always has unintended consequences. But Bill & Ted don't really worry about these problems. And the problems of time travel never happen. Lincoln doesn't get put back in his own time and lose the Civil War. Beethoven doesn't die from a disease from his future that his body can't fight. Sigmund Freud doesn't stop doing cocaine. And I think this is really what people should want from time travel. Basically, time travel tourism.
I think I fantasize about where to visit more than things I would want to change. I'd like to see Chamberlin's 100 point game. Martin Luther nailing the 99 Thesis on the church door. The first Guttenberg Bible coming off the press. Cool stuff like that. Why try and tell the fifteen year-old version of yourself that they should change their college major? I'd probably just think I was another adult to defy. Unless I bought him beer or something. Then I (15 year-old me) would think I (31 year-old me) was cool.
Be Excellent To Each Other
I think a lot about trying to change things. But it is always coupled with a fear that I would end up unraveling something that I love by accident. Like If I were looking for a new job, if I got one, what would I miss about the one I have now? It will probably be something I am not even aware of. Like the chairs.
The chairs? Really? Well I guess maybe. Chairs. Hmmmm.
You Are Dealing With The Oddity Of Time Travel With The Greatest Of Ease
I'm not sure of the strength of this essay. I feel like the weekly writing is starting to expose the limits of my creativity. Like I'm finally scraping the bottom of the barrel. Right now I would like to go into the future and see if I am going to write a better essay next week so I can feel better about mailing it in right now. But I think traveling forward would be the worst thing to do. That would ruin the best part of this project and that is actually writing them. The outcome should be the least of my concerns.
The feeling after running is the best. Relief. Accomplishment. Knowledge. Energy. But that feeling is so temporary. The same is for this blog. I gear up to do it and then once I finish, I feel great. But when it comes time to do the next one, it feels like the ideas won't come. Like the hill I just ran last week got taller. How can the hill keep getting bigger?
Everything Is Different, But The Same... Bigger, And Yet Smaller
And maybe that is what time travel is. A desire to not have to climb the hill. Rather, the traveler can just go back and tell himself to not do the regretful act. Screw the damage to the space-time continuum! I want to not feel regret!
It's sad. That's why Bill and Ted had it right. Time travel should only be used to help with homework.
Until Next I Blog,
James
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Week 20: Tombstone
Dear Avid Reader,
Blog blog bloggity blog. Bloggity blog blog, blog blog blog blog.
Blog blog blog. Blog.
You Look Like Somebody Just Walked Over Your Grave
There are two things about this movie. One is that it is an absolute train wreck. It really feels like it was slapped together. It took me like seven times to understand that Billy was a deputy of Behan. McMasters is hastily introduced and then killed. If the Cowboy Gang ran everything, and was getting money from all of Tombstone business, why rob a stagecoach (like the one Fabian was killed in)? It is just not a smooth ride.
But here's the other thing about the movie. It freaking rules.
I Have Two Guns, One For Each Of Ya
The reason it rules is obvious. Doc Effing Holiday. Val Kilmer's performance is clearly the reason this flick gets rewatched. But before getting too deep into how awesome Holiday is, I think it is important to reflect on how screwed Wyatt is in his own movie. He spends the entire first half of the movie turning down offers to become sheriff. He tells Virgil to not get involved and Morgan the same. And when he grudgingly joins up with them, Wyatt tries in vain to tell his brothers to let the Cowboys sleep off their drunken rage at the OK Corral. So of course when everything hits the fan, he gets blamed. "You just had to be so smart," spits Virgil's wife at Earp. What the heck lady?
And it doesn't stop there. Wyatt also tried to get his wife off opium to no avail. This is, of course, while she accuses him of cheating on her with Josephine, even though they never have sex. If I were Wyatt I would have spent the entire movie screaming, "What did I do?" or "I totally said we shouldn't get involved." or "Seriously? You're blaming me?" No wonder he spends the second half of the movie capping more folks than The Punisher. I don't blame the guy for going all Michael Douglas in Falling Down. Dude was mad stressin'. Word.
You're A Daisy If You Do
So while Wyatt gets sand-bagged in his own flick, Doc steals the show with all the great lines and awesome gun moves. He's the Rerun, the Strong Bad, the Ed Norton of the whole movie. And I think this dynamic is hurting America. Yes, Doc Holiday's irresistible charisma and sparkling wit is ruining lives.
You see, if the position of second banana is where the true genius toils in the shadows, then that is where the true geniuses are gonna end up applying to work. That's where society has told them to go. In a world where the best people are fighting for number two spots, duos wind up end up with terrible, under qualified folks at the leader position. Doesn't a particular U.S president come to "mind" ? Highlight below to see who I'm talking about.
Why write "Bush" when you already assumed I was going to write it? What does it mean that you immediately thought about him? Is it more to do with your perception of the media coverage around him, his actual qualifications and performance, or how you understand my personal politics? Interesting, no?
And who would want to be Luke when they can be Han Solo? Luke loses a hand, gets yelled at by a muppet, and accidentally makes out with his sister. Han gets the girl, the cool lines, and Chewbacca. Here's the two options: fight tough mental, spiritual, and physical battles with dad, or do the Kessel Run in twelve parsecs in the sweetest ride in the galaxy. Oh yeah, tough choice.
Maybe Poker's Just Not Your Game, Ike, I Know, Let's Have A Spelling Contest
The hero of today is unappreciated. The man/woman/talking dog that stands behind him maybe funnier, but he's not taking the lumps. No one blames the sidekick. No one blamed Quayle for the 90's recession, they blamed Bush. No one would have blamed Barney for a Mayberry crime spree, they would have blamed Andy. But alas our current system is to build the folks up and then tear them down. Just look at bum-turned-media darling Ted Williams. In the span of a week he was discovered, declared awesome, given a job, and then accused of being degenerate drunk incapable of help. All in a week. A week!
Culture is moving faster and faster. Epic poems are 140 characters long. Civilizations are grown, applauded, and then torn down hourly on game servers. Books downloaded, read, critiqued, and deleted before finishing a Facebook status that reads "Stephen King is overrated". And the kids on the rollercoaster, drunk on the possibility of life, cry ,"Faster! Faster still!"
I'm Your Huckleberry
And the only thing that can stop the encroaching madness. Except maybe a hero. Someone who can stand for what is decent and good. Someone incorruptible. Someone who will face the bullets and darts of non-believers and the jealous. Someone of energy and power. A true hero.
And they need to call me so I can be their wise ass sidekick.
Until Next I Blog,
James
Blog blog bloggity blog. Bloggity blog blog, blog blog blog blog.
Blog blog blog. Blog.
You Look Like Somebody Just Walked Over Your Grave
There are two things about this movie. One is that it is an absolute train wreck. It really feels like it was slapped together. It took me like seven times to understand that Billy was a deputy of Behan. McMasters is hastily introduced and then killed. If the Cowboy Gang ran everything, and was getting money from all of Tombstone business, why rob a stagecoach (like the one Fabian was killed in)? It is just not a smooth ride.
But here's the other thing about the movie. It freaking rules.
I Have Two Guns, One For Each Of Ya
The reason it rules is obvious. Doc Effing Holiday. Val Kilmer's performance is clearly the reason this flick gets rewatched. But before getting too deep into how awesome Holiday is, I think it is important to reflect on how screwed Wyatt is in his own movie. He spends the entire first half of the movie turning down offers to become sheriff. He tells Virgil to not get involved and Morgan the same. And when he grudgingly joins up with them, Wyatt tries in vain to tell his brothers to let the Cowboys sleep off their drunken rage at the OK Corral. So of course when everything hits the fan, he gets blamed. "You just had to be so smart," spits Virgil's wife at Earp. What the heck lady?
And it doesn't stop there. Wyatt also tried to get his wife off opium to no avail. This is, of course, while she accuses him of cheating on her with Josephine, even though they never have sex. If I were Wyatt I would have spent the entire movie screaming, "What did I do?" or "I totally said we shouldn't get involved." or "Seriously? You're blaming me?" No wonder he spends the second half of the movie capping more folks than The Punisher. I don't blame the guy for going all Michael Douglas in Falling Down. Dude was mad stressin'. Word.
You're A Daisy If You Do
So while Wyatt gets sand-bagged in his own flick, Doc steals the show with all the great lines and awesome gun moves. He's the Rerun, the Strong Bad, the Ed Norton of the whole movie. And I think this dynamic is hurting America. Yes, Doc Holiday's irresistible charisma and sparkling wit is ruining lives.
You see, if the position of second banana is where the true genius toils in the shadows, then that is where the true geniuses are gonna end up applying to work. That's where society has told them to go. In a world where the best people are fighting for number two spots, duos wind up end up with terrible, under qualified folks at the leader position. Doesn't a particular U.S president come to "mind" ? Highlight below to see who I'm talking about.
Why write "Bush" when you already assumed I was going to write it? What does it mean that you immediately thought about him? Is it more to do with your perception of the media coverage around him, his actual qualifications and performance, or how you understand my personal politics? Interesting, no?
And who would want to be Luke when they can be Han Solo? Luke loses a hand, gets yelled at by a muppet, and accidentally makes out with his sister. Han gets the girl, the cool lines, and Chewbacca. Here's the two options: fight tough mental, spiritual, and physical battles with dad, or do the Kessel Run in twelve parsecs in the sweetest ride in the galaxy. Oh yeah, tough choice.
Maybe Poker's Just Not Your Game, Ike, I Know, Let's Have A Spelling Contest
The hero of today is unappreciated. The man/woman/talking dog that stands behind him maybe funnier, but he's not taking the lumps. No one blames the sidekick. No one blamed Quayle for the 90's recession, they blamed Bush. No one would have blamed Barney for a Mayberry crime spree, they would have blamed Andy. But alas our current system is to build the folks up and then tear them down. Just look at bum-turned-media darling Ted Williams. In the span of a week he was discovered, declared awesome, given a job, and then accused of being degenerate drunk incapable of help. All in a week. A week!
Culture is moving faster and faster. Epic poems are 140 characters long. Civilizations are grown, applauded, and then torn down hourly on game servers. Books downloaded, read, critiqued, and deleted before finishing a Facebook status that reads "Stephen King is overrated". And the kids on the rollercoaster, drunk on the possibility of life, cry ,"Faster! Faster still!"
I'm Your Huckleberry
And the only thing that can stop the encroaching madness. Except maybe a hero. Someone who can stand for what is decent and good. Someone incorruptible. Someone who will face the bullets and darts of non-believers and the jealous. Someone of energy and power. A true hero.
And they need to call me so I can be their wise ass sidekick.
Until Next I Blog,
James
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