Week 8: Enter The Dragon

Dear Avid Reader,

Sometimes folks would rather have things simple. But things are never simple. They're complicated.

I'm going to try and complicate Enter The Dragon for you now.

Don't Concentrate On The Finger Or You Will Miss All That Heavenly Glory

Here's the problem: the world has no supervillians. But the world needs supervillains, powerful, evil, and brilliant masters of destruction. They need to laugh with "MU-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA". That's right. We need people that start their laughs with "MU".

See, the universe needs folks like Han from Enter the Dragon. A dude that somehow got a bunch of money (I'm guessing a government grant). Someone who's ambitious, smart, and can hold his own in a fight. Han is all of these classically super-villianous things including a mind twisted to the brink of madness. I think that because he never fully recovered mentally from the accident that took his hand, he feels compelled to dominate the world out of an insecurity that he is no longer a whole man. So rather than get a nice prosthetic hand, the guy slaps fur on a garden hoe, then straps the grotesque contraption on his gnarled stump to slice folks in the face. In other words, he's a perfect supervillian.

Very Few People Can Be Totally Ruthless

Like all supervillians you can't go after Han directly. Sure you know every crime he's committed, but you lack evidence. He's just that good. So you have to send a guy in to infiltrate his organization and bring him down from the inside. Someone with a personal beef with the criminal-genius and also someone who has legendary butt kicking skills. Don't worry there's always a guy like that around. The Hans of the world are always killing the person that turns out to be the father of a loose cannon in the special forces. Or the daughter of a boxer that hung up his gloves after he killed an opponent in the ring. Supervillians always go one step too far. This time it was attempting to rape the sister of a spiritual kung-fu dude that...does...kung-fu...and...wait, does Lee have a job or anything? I think he's basically homeless.

Something else that troubles me is how does Han, and other supervillians, get awesome henchmen like O'Hara and Bolo? I mean. I don't think they get days off. Sure they get all of the comforts of the secret island, but what f they wanted to start a family? And what about when they get old? I don't think Han would allow them to retire. They probably have to keep henchmen-ing until they die. I think henchmen need a union. I don't think anyone is looking out for them.

Boards Don't Hit Back

So here's why the world needs supervillians. It's because it is getting harder and harder to tell who the bad guys are anymore. Han makes heroin, kidnaps the poor and conducts experiments on them, kills chicks in his harem for fun, and kills his guards when they make a mistake. He's a terrible human. It's easy to hate him.
But in reality, is it so easy to find the bad guys? It's election season, let's look through that spectrum. When does a political attack ad change from spin into lie? Here in Texas, I saw an ad that accused an opponent of allowing Texas to have one of the highest sales-tax in the country. But the thing is that Texas has no state income tax. And because taxes have to come from somewhere, Texas has higher property and sales tax. It's not anyone's fault, it's just the way it is. So was this a lie, or just stating the facts with a creepy dude's voice?

You Can Call It "The Art Of Fighting Without Fighting"

The truth is complicated. The thought is that the truth is simple because lies traditionally exaggerate or fabricate. But leaving out parts of the truth is also lying. Or is it? I don't know what to call it. I just know it's bullcrap.

If there was an alternative to having people in charge of things (like letting robots or gnomes take a crack at it), maybe things would work out better. The problem is that flawed, imperfect, gross, regular people are all there is to turn to. Even the heroes of Enter the Dragon are flawed. Lee gets captured by Han's trap, which means he can be careless. Williams and Roper are hustlers and womanizers (and one questions Roper's fighting ethics when he bites Bolo's leg). Are these the only people to count on to defeat evil. Unfortunately, the answer is yes.

Destroy The Image And You Will Break The Enemy

But if we had supervillians, then deciding who to fight would be a cinch. There would be no question as to if this was "right"or "wrong". Just look at the dude's house. It's a freaking island fortress complete with a booby-trapped dungeon-maze that's loaded with brawlers in white gis. Look, they're all punching in formation. Put the protest signs down.

But alas, the world is more sophisticated than that. Every day wrought with ethical dilemma. Such is life in the richest country in the world. But I can still dream right?

Yes, I can dream of a world filled with supervillians. I'm doing it right now.

Until Next I Blog,

James