Dear Avid Reader,
Spring is kinda cool. I don't know why.
I just like it.
Since When, Kip? You Have The Worst Reflexes Of All Time.
Back in the early part of the 2000's, Netflix wanted to improve their recommendation algorithm. That's the program that tries to guess if someone will like Movie A based on how well they liked Movie B. Netflix even offered a million dollars to the programmer who could do it. But eventually they all ran into the same problem.
The Napoleon Dynamite Problem.
Do The Chickens Have Large Talons?
The Napoleon Dynamite Problem is the inability for software to predict if someone will like certain movies. Fahrenheit 9/11, Lost In Translation, and I Heart Huckabees are other flicks that also have the same problem. All these movies illicit a strong response, either love it or hate it, and no amount of data gathered can determine which side of the fence a viewer will fall.
It's fascinating to me that there are movies like this. With this knowledge of the NDP, I have a better understanding of why I argue with friends over the merits of some movies. But I do not understand one thing. Why wouldn't anyone like Napoleon Dynamite?
I've talked with friends and I have encountered a few common complaints. So as we go through this essay, know that I am not inventing straw men here. These are actual arguments that I have had with people. Quit being so cynical.
Pedro Offers You His Protection
First, there is a perception that there is no plot to Napoleon Dynamite. I find this to be laughable. It is a classic coming of age story where a boy tires to make friends in the hostile environs of high school. It also has a "boy gets girl" arc between Deb and Napoleon. There is just as much story here as there is in any romantic comedy. You could call it a less raunchy Revenge of the Nerds that doesn't suck like Revenge of the Nerds III did.
There are plenty of things going on in the film in addition to Napoleon's quest for acceptance. There is Kip and Uncle Rico scheming along the edges of the main story. Kip's romance with Lafawnda and Pedro's presidential campaign are also occurring in the background. So don't tell me there is no plot. There is plenty of plot. But I think folks are actually referring to the pace of the movie when bitching about the plot. And that brings us to number two...
You Ever Take It Off Any Sweet Jumps?
Some of my friends seem to think that the movie is too slow. Now, I understand that the film doesn't have a fast pace and that bores some folks, but I find it tragic that the film is blamed and not the viewer. What is perceived as an accidental sluggishness, I feel, is an intentional directorial move.
In Lawrence of Arabia there are lots of sections where little happens on screen, but this is to emphasize the vastness of the desert and the scope of Lawrence's vision. The same kind of technique is employed here. The pauses, to me, are fascinating, revealing the loneliness of the main characters. The slow pace gives us a glimpse as to how time feels to the ostracized. Get out of your comfort zone people. Not every movie needs to be loaded with explosions. I mean didn't anyone else like Rushmore?
Too Bad, She Said She Doesn't Want You Here When She Gets Back Because You've Been Ruining Everybody's Lives And Eating All Our Steak
Finally, and probably the most frequent critique, is that the viewer doesn't "get it" or they find the movie totally unfunny. While this is the most difficult complaint to respond to, I also think it is the most valid. It also hints at the essence of the Napoleon Dynamite Problem. See, I cannot argue taste or humor. A person either fundamentally has taste or they don't. They are either funny or they are not. There is no escape.
I would like to use a scenario as an example here. There is a person telling a joke to an audience. After the punchline, a few of the audience members laugh out loud, amused fully in the hilarity of the joke. A few audience members are confused by the joke's premise and ask for further explanation. The bedraggled comedian humors them and the rest of the audience groans as the comedian begins, clearly frustrated at the confused audience members. After the explanation, the confused members give a sigh of understanding and then immediately declare the joke to be unfunny, blaming the comedian's delivery or writing. The rest of the evening is spent in awkward suspicion.
That Suit, It's...It's Incredible
The explanation of humor has never, and will never end well. You either get a joke or you don't. Teh same is true here. For whatever reason, some folks get this movie. I think it is a person that has experience at some point in their life a level of being a true outcast. Being socially isolated changes a person. Time moves as slowly as the pauses in Napoleon Dynamite. And a nerd doesn't know how to interact with anyone, so the relationships they do have are wonky and off-balance. Just like Napoleon's. And his gropes to find equilibrium are so close to reality that it at times feel like it's a documentary.
To have to walk around in this world may seem strange to those who are unfamiliar. It must feel like the gravity has been changed, or that the ground shifts as they walk around. But for those who have lived in the world of the shunned, it's like riding a bike. Long gone is the nausea, replaced with a sense of comfort, of familiarity, of home.
Welcome home my fellow geeks. Welcome home.
Until Next I Blog,
James
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Week 29: Ghostbusters
Dear Avid Reader,
Ugh. Got another rejection email. Sucks.
I'm not sure how this will effect this post, but I intend to press on.
Ray, When Someone Asks You If You're A God, You Say "Yes"
One of my pet peeves is this current trend to qualify things that you say. Rather than say a sentence, there is a tendency to instantly hedge whatever implication your statement so that no one could ever use the statement against you in the future. Here is an example:
"My name is Speaker and I'm a good writer. I'm no expert, I don't do it professionally, but I feel as though the things I write have a degree of quality. No that all of my writing is of high quality. Sometimes I write a real stinker, and I know that. I can admit that some of the things I put out there are not the best. But for the most part, I can say that my writing is good. Overall. For an amateur. I'm no Ayn Rand. Who is after all? And I wouldn't necessarily compare style to Ayn. I have my way of doing it and she does it her way. And she is good at her style, and I can hold my own in mine. So yeah. That's how I feel."
God, what a douche Speaker is.
What About The Twinkie?
This happens all the time. No one wants to take a stand. Like there are armies of lawyers waiting to catch you in some kind of promise and then sue you. Or worse, a friend will be able to bring up the declaration and use it against you in an argument. Or, like the above passage, I get the feeling folks are afraid to oversell themselves. But why say something is you are gonna qualify the crap out of it. "Speaker" should have never brought up the fact that he felt like he was a good writer. He obviously doesn't feel that way. He should have gone with something like this:
"My name is Speaker and I am a good writer. I defy you to challenge me on this."
See. No wasted time. Why talk if you aren't gonna say something?
What Are You Supposed To Be, Some Kind Of A Cosmonaut
This brings us to Ghostbusters. Ghostbusters is a perfect movie. The End.
You're Right, No Human Being Would Stack Books Like Thi
This flick is one of the reasons I originally started this blog. It is hugely popular, infinitely rewatchable, and yet it routinely is left off "greatest movies" lists. Probably because it is a comedy. It doesn't have an epic scope that provides the viewer with hope of a better future with a twinge of sadness. Greatness, it seems, crawls fro the spawning pool of melancholy.
But here's the thing, Ghostbusters unifies us as humans. Ghostbusters achieves what all art wants to achieve, impact over the whole of mankind. Everyone knows who to call if there is something strange in their neighborhood. "Crossing the streams" is shorthand for a last ditch effort or a suicide mission. And the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is the go to option when forced to pick a monster to do battle with. These are the gifts that Ghostbusters provides. Mankind is wealthier because of this knowledge.
What A Lovely Singing Voice You Must Have
I'm gonna do something that I did back in my Top Gun post. I'm gonna give you the list of the films that were up for the Best Picture Oscar the same year that Ghostbusters was released.
Amadeus (winner)
The Killing Fields
A Passage to India
Places in the Heart
A Soldier's Story
Amadeus notwithstanding, did you see any of these flicks? The most famous thing that any of these other flicks produced was Sally Field's award acceptance speech. I submit that Ghostbusters is better than all of these movies accept Amadeus. Furthermore, Ghostbusters should forever be included in "Best Of" lists as an example of comedy and adventure movies. These movie genres are woefully under represented in discussions about great film.
Nobody Steps On A Church In My Town
Now, am I asking that novelty records be nominated for Grammys? No. But I also don't think rap should be excluded just because it defies the current preconceptions of what great albums are supposed to sound like. What if country artists weren't nominated for the General Awards because it was too popular and wasn't epic enough in scope? It would be ridiculous. I don't think the two situations are that different.
I refuse to backtrack on this. Movies other than dramas are great and should be considered as such! Ghostbusters is great. No qualifications. Remind me of this post in ten years and I will stand by it.
But even if I don't you'd be an asshole for bringing it up. I mean it will have been ten years ago.
Until Next I Blog,
James
Ugh. Got another rejection email. Sucks.
I'm not sure how this will effect this post, but I intend to press on.
Ray, When Someone Asks You If You're A God, You Say "Yes"
One of my pet peeves is this current trend to qualify things that you say. Rather than say a sentence, there is a tendency to instantly hedge whatever implication your statement so that no one could ever use the statement against you in the future. Here is an example:
"My name is Speaker and I'm a good writer. I'm no expert, I don't do it professionally, but I feel as though the things I write have a degree of quality. No that all of my writing is of high quality. Sometimes I write a real stinker, and I know that. I can admit that some of the things I put out there are not the best. But for the most part, I can say that my writing is good. Overall. For an amateur. I'm no Ayn Rand. Who is after all? And I wouldn't necessarily compare style to Ayn. I have my way of doing it and she does it her way. And she is good at her style, and I can hold my own in mine. So yeah. That's how I feel."
God, what a douche Speaker is.
What About The Twinkie?
This happens all the time. No one wants to take a stand. Like there are armies of lawyers waiting to catch you in some kind of promise and then sue you. Or worse, a friend will be able to bring up the declaration and use it against you in an argument. Or, like the above passage, I get the feeling folks are afraid to oversell themselves. But why say something is you are gonna qualify the crap out of it. "Speaker" should have never brought up the fact that he felt like he was a good writer. He obviously doesn't feel that way. He should have gone with something like this:
"My name is Speaker and I am a good writer. I defy you to challenge me on this."
See. No wasted time. Why talk if you aren't gonna say something?
What Are You Supposed To Be, Some Kind Of A Cosmonaut
This brings us to Ghostbusters. Ghostbusters is a perfect movie. The End.
You're Right, No Human Being Would Stack Books Like Thi
This flick is one of the reasons I originally started this blog. It is hugely popular, infinitely rewatchable, and yet it routinely is left off "greatest movies" lists. Probably because it is a comedy. It doesn't have an epic scope that provides the viewer with hope of a better future with a twinge of sadness. Greatness, it seems, crawls fro the spawning pool of melancholy.
But here's the thing, Ghostbusters unifies us as humans. Ghostbusters achieves what all art wants to achieve, impact over the whole of mankind. Everyone knows who to call if there is something strange in their neighborhood. "Crossing the streams" is shorthand for a last ditch effort or a suicide mission. And the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is the go to option when forced to pick a monster to do battle with. These are the gifts that Ghostbusters provides. Mankind is wealthier because of this knowledge.
What A Lovely Singing Voice You Must Have
I'm gonna do something that I did back in my Top Gun post. I'm gonna give you the list of the films that were up for the Best Picture Oscar the same year that Ghostbusters was released.
Amadeus (winner)
The Killing Fields
A Passage to India
Places in the Heart
A Soldier's Story
Amadeus notwithstanding, did you see any of these flicks? The most famous thing that any of these other flicks produced was Sally Field's award acceptance speech. I submit that Ghostbusters is better than all of these movies accept Amadeus. Furthermore, Ghostbusters should forever be included in "Best Of" lists as an example of comedy and adventure movies. These movie genres are woefully under represented in discussions about great film.
Nobody Steps On A Church In My Town
Now, am I asking that novelty records be nominated for Grammys? No. But I also don't think rap should be excluded just because it defies the current preconceptions of what great albums are supposed to sound like. What if country artists weren't nominated for the General Awards because it was too popular and wasn't epic enough in scope? It would be ridiculous. I don't think the two situations are that different.
I refuse to backtrack on this. Movies other than dramas are great and should be considered as such! Ghostbusters is great. No qualifications. Remind me of this post in ten years and I will stand by it.
But even if I don't you'd be an asshole for bringing it up. I mean it will have been ten years ago.
Until Next I Blog,
James
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Week 28: The Royal Tenenbaums
Dear Avid Reader,
I went to a Das Racist concert last night. It was great. Mostly because it was here in Fort Worth so I didn't have to drive to Dallas.
Dallas sucks. Kinda.
What Characters, There's A Bunch Of Little Kids Dressed Up In Animal Costumes
Families are weird things. The trickiest part is when a child starts coming out from under the shadow of their parents. I believe the difficulty comes from the parent coming to grips with death. I mean, the only significant signpost left for the empty nester is retirement. The end of life must have seemed so far away, and now that the child has become an adult, the end must seem closer. Everytime a graduation cap flies in the air a casket closes. And that is sad.
I think in this film, Royal Tenenbaum's journey explores this transition. Being kicked out of the hotel he must confront the fact that he has alienated everyone he ever loved. And as he gropes in the dark for the family he abandoned, the viewer is charmed by his complete ineptitude to understand the only relationships he has. I begin to wonder why Chas and Margot are so disappointed in him. After all, the guy has no idea how bad at this he is. And he's really bad.
Of Course It's Dark, It's A Suicide Note
I sometimes hold my family to higher standards that I should. I've know them all my life, and I catch myself wishing they would act differently. But why would they? I mean, I'm not gonna change how I act and think, what gives me the right to demand it of them? Probably because I'm greedy. Not any kind of greedy mind you. American greedy.
American greedy is the thick stuff. Not only do you want it, you are entitled to it. Americans won the galactic lottery by being born into the greatest wealth man has ever known. Fueled by abundant resources and lit by European and Asian destruction following World War II, current generations somehow think the huge fire that warms them was earned. Bullcrap. It was chanced.
And They Rode On In The Friscalating Dusklight
I have recently glimpsed the black, beating heart of this monster. As I mentioned before I was at a concert recently. At this concert there was a woman in a blue dress. She was pretty and very drunk. She tapped my shoulder during one of the louder opening acts. She wanted to sit on the bar that I was leaning on. I told her that was fine and I asked for a cigarette. What? It was one cigarette! Seriously? Judging ME? Fine. That's bullcrap, but fine.
Anyway she soon left her perch and mingled in the crowd. She was grinding with strangers and the bolder men would grind back. But she would grow bored and move to the next man. Like a humming bird. Except her ass was her beak and the flowers were crotches.
And then there was this guy in a wheelchair. I had conversed a little with him when he asked for help getting outside to chill. He was cool, but definitely traveling alone. Alone, but not for long. As he watched the show from the crowd, the blue dressed lady made her way over to him. and upon finding him, began to gyrate and grind to the music. Using the wheelchair for balance, she swayed her body closer and closer to him, finally leaning in for a kiss. The gentleman hoggishly slurped back. And there they embraced, in the dark, surrounded by jealous crotches.
You Heard Me Coltrane
Now I don't care what people do. If you want to hook up with a stranger, I understand. What concerned me was that the girl was so freaking drunk. It just felt so seedy watching that guy totally take advantage of the situation. I guess they were consenting, but somehow it didn't feel that way. It was in that moment that i glimpsed the liquid bile center of the country. Here it is: screw other people, I'm taking what I deserve, and I deserve everything. We should put it on the money and in the pledge.
I literally felt the room spin. My brain felt as if it was cut on the sharp edge of sanity. Suddenly, I wanted to break a pool cue on the bar and smash my teeth together. I wanted to scream. I felt Noah's flood rippling beneath my shoulders and coursing to my fists. I was in Pamplona and everything was red. Each breath was a car explosion. And then, just as quickly, it was gone.
She continued to alternate between her new boyfriend and her cross-pollination with the other men of the club the entire night. I guess during their brief courtship they established an rather open relationship.
"Wildcat" Was Written In A Kind Of Obselete Vernacular
This starting to sound like I want this woman to feel bad for being freer than me sexually. I'm not trying to do that. The jokes are just too easy I guess. But I really do wonder what humanity thinks they are doing on this spinning rock. Is it really cool to take advantage of a drunk girl? After all, she's an adult, she makes her own choices. But tha is like throwing up our hands and putting it all on personal responsibility. Is that the end of it? Shouldn't folks feel responsible for each other?
Families are weird things. Even so, we should try to act like we're all in one together.
Until Next I Blog,
James
I went to a Das Racist concert last night. It was great. Mostly because it was here in Fort Worth so I didn't have to drive to Dallas.
Dallas sucks. Kinda.
What Characters, There's A Bunch Of Little Kids Dressed Up In Animal Costumes
Families are weird things. The trickiest part is when a child starts coming out from under the shadow of their parents. I believe the difficulty comes from the parent coming to grips with death. I mean, the only significant signpost left for the empty nester is retirement. The end of life must have seemed so far away, and now that the child has become an adult, the end must seem closer. Everytime a graduation cap flies in the air a casket closes. And that is sad.
I think in this film, Royal Tenenbaum's journey explores this transition. Being kicked out of the hotel he must confront the fact that he has alienated everyone he ever loved. And as he gropes in the dark for the family he abandoned, the viewer is charmed by his complete ineptitude to understand the only relationships he has. I begin to wonder why Chas and Margot are so disappointed in him. After all, the guy has no idea how bad at this he is. And he's really bad.
Of Course It's Dark, It's A Suicide Note
I sometimes hold my family to higher standards that I should. I've know them all my life, and I catch myself wishing they would act differently. But why would they? I mean, I'm not gonna change how I act and think, what gives me the right to demand it of them? Probably because I'm greedy. Not any kind of greedy mind you. American greedy.
American greedy is the thick stuff. Not only do you want it, you are entitled to it. Americans won the galactic lottery by being born into the greatest wealth man has ever known. Fueled by abundant resources and lit by European and Asian destruction following World War II, current generations somehow think the huge fire that warms them was earned. Bullcrap. It was chanced.
And They Rode On In The Friscalating Dusklight
I have recently glimpsed the black, beating heart of this monster. As I mentioned before I was at a concert recently. At this concert there was a woman in a blue dress. She was pretty and very drunk. She tapped my shoulder during one of the louder opening acts. She wanted to sit on the bar that I was leaning on. I told her that was fine and I asked for a cigarette. What? It was one cigarette! Seriously? Judging ME? Fine. That's bullcrap, but fine.
Anyway she soon left her perch and mingled in the crowd. She was grinding with strangers and the bolder men would grind back. But she would grow bored and move to the next man. Like a humming bird. Except her ass was her beak and the flowers were crotches.
And then there was this guy in a wheelchair. I had conversed a little with him when he asked for help getting outside to chill. He was cool, but definitely traveling alone. Alone, but not for long. As he watched the show from the crowd, the blue dressed lady made her way over to him. and upon finding him, began to gyrate and grind to the music. Using the wheelchair for balance, she swayed her body closer and closer to him, finally leaning in for a kiss. The gentleman hoggishly slurped back. And there they embraced, in the dark, surrounded by jealous crotches.
You Heard Me Coltrane
Now I don't care what people do. If you want to hook up with a stranger, I understand. What concerned me was that the girl was so freaking drunk. It just felt so seedy watching that guy totally take advantage of the situation. I guess they were consenting, but somehow it didn't feel that way. It was in that moment that i glimpsed the liquid bile center of the country. Here it is: screw other people, I'm taking what I deserve, and I deserve everything. We should put it on the money and in the pledge.
I literally felt the room spin. My brain felt as if it was cut on the sharp edge of sanity. Suddenly, I wanted to break a pool cue on the bar and smash my teeth together. I wanted to scream. I felt Noah's flood rippling beneath my shoulders and coursing to my fists. I was in Pamplona and everything was red. Each breath was a car explosion. And then, just as quickly, it was gone.
She continued to alternate between her new boyfriend and her cross-pollination with the other men of the club the entire night. I guess during their brief courtship they established an rather open relationship.
"Wildcat" Was Written In A Kind Of Obselete Vernacular
This starting to sound like I want this woman to feel bad for being freer than me sexually. I'm not trying to do that. The jokes are just too easy I guess. But I really do wonder what humanity thinks they are doing on this spinning rock. Is it really cool to take advantage of a drunk girl? After all, she's an adult, she makes her own choices. But tha is like throwing up our hands and putting it all on personal responsibility. Is that the end of it? Shouldn't folks feel responsible for each other?
Families are weird things. Even so, we should try to act like we're all in one together.
Until Next I Blog,
James
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Week 27: Caddyshack
Dear Avid Reader,
Spring Break next week. And I deserve it. I'm gonna do less than nothing.
It's possible. Just watch me.
Don't Sell Yourself Short Judge, You're A Tremendous Slouch
Caddyshack isn't the greatest movie of all time. In fact, it may only be a medium movie. What draws people to it is Rodney, Ted, Bill, and Chevy. These are the four dudes that are on the movie poster and all the DVD boxes. They're the ones with best lines, you know, the ones everyone quotes. And it's shocking to find out that Danny Noonan's story was originally the whole movie. Seriously. Danny Noonan.
See when the filming began the script was a romantic comedy with a little humor here and there. But then they got these great cameos from Ted and Rodney and everyone. And they did the smartest thing anyone on any movie set did, they shifted the focus to have more of these geniuses on camera more. It destroyed any meaningful plot but gave room for some hilarious stuff from improv masters like Chevy and Bill. In fact, all of Bill Murray's lines are unscripted. Awesome right?
That's A Peach, Hon!
As I watched the movie this time I wondered if the actors knew how many times there performances would be repeated on golf courses and college campuses. I especially wonder this about Bill Murray. The guy was only shot over six days but he is easily the most quoted and remember out of the bunch. I guess if he knew exactly how popular the flick would become he might had worked harder. Maybe not. They smoked a lot of weed back in the 70's.
Gunga Galunga... Gunga, Gunga-Lagunga
I guess that is the fun and wacky thing about life. Each day holds the possibility to be the day you are most remembered for. There is glory and infamy inside of each dawn. It's such a shame that usually the day ends up being mundane. Such a shame.
There should be more ninjas and spaceships. I think that is what the future will be like. Fed up with hum-drum lives, people will demand pirate attacks and distressed damsels. Companies will begin training strike forces to kidnap grandparents, only a ransom note filled with clues to decipher left in an empty rocking chair. The grandparent plot will be a standard trail subscription adventure of course. Fully armored knight battles are available with the "gallant package" and alien invasions are available to VIP members only.
What was I talking about? Oh Caddyshack. Right. Decent movie. Great quotes. Will be regarded as funny forever? Maybe. I mean it really is only an adequate movie. I wonder if it will survive another generation.
I mean won't they be busy fighting dinosaurs with jet packs?
Until Next I Blog,
James
Spring Break next week. And I deserve it. I'm gonna do less than nothing.
It's possible. Just watch me.
Don't Sell Yourself Short Judge, You're A Tremendous Slouch
Caddyshack isn't the greatest movie of all time. In fact, it may only be a medium movie. What draws people to it is Rodney, Ted, Bill, and Chevy. These are the four dudes that are on the movie poster and all the DVD boxes. They're the ones with best lines, you know, the ones everyone quotes. And it's shocking to find out that Danny Noonan's story was originally the whole movie. Seriously. Danny Noonan.
See when the filming began the script was a romantic comedy with a little humor here and there. But then they got these great cameos from Ted and Rodney and everyone. And they did the smartest thing anyone on any movie set did, they shifted the focus to have more of these geniuses on camera more. It destroyed any meaningful plot but gave room for some hilarious stuff from improv masters like Chevy and Bill. In fact, all of Bill Murray's lines are unscripted. Awesome right?
That's A Peach, Hon!
As I watched the movie this time I wondered if the actors knew how many times there performances would be repeated on golf courses and college campuses. I especially wonder this about Bill Murray. The guy was only shot over six days but he is easily the most quoted and remember out of the bunch. I guess if he knew exactly how popular the flick would become he might had worked harder. Maybe not. They smoked a lot of weed back in the 70's.
Gunga Galunga... Gunga, Gunga-Lagunga
I guess that is the fun and wacky thing about life. Each day holds the possibility to be the day you are most remembered for. There is glory and infamy inside of each dawn. It's such a shame that usually the day ends up being mundane. Such a shame.
There should be more ninjas and spaceships. I think that is what the future will be like. Fed up with hum-drum lives, people will demand pirate attacks and distressed damsels. Companies will begin training strike forces to kidnap grandparents, only a ransom note filled with clues to decipher left in an empty rocking chair. The grandparent plot will be a standard trail subscription adventure of course. Fully armored knight battles are available with the "gallant package" and alien invasions are available to VIP members only.
What was I talking about? Oh Caddyshack. Right. Decent movie. Great quotes. Will be regarded as funny forever? Maybe. I mean it really is only an adequate movie. I wonder if it will survive another generation.
I mean won't they be busy fighting dinosaurs with jet packs?
Until Next I Blog,
James
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Week 26: Office Space
Dear Avid Reader,
"I'm different. I have a different constitution, I have a different brain, I have a different heart. I got tiger blood, man."
Thank you Carlos Irwin Estevez. You are a genius.
I Don't Really Like Talking About My Flair
Fantasy. Reality. What is the difference? I'm not sure anymore.
Everyone loves the movie Office Space. That is a given. Well at least cool people love it. All uncool people should stop reading and start watching.
I Wouldn't Say I've Been Missing It Bob
The core of the film is the "working man's blues". Job sucks, girlfriend's cheating on me, friends are no help. And of course the movie takes us on the journey of how Peter overcomes this by altering his persepctive on his life.
I'd like to take this moment to remark on how convincing the switch over from sad sack to rocks star is. For a light comedy the acting is great. Whenever I re-watch the movie, I'm always struck by how beat down Peter is early on. The time the character spends as a loser is so short, I fully expect the movie to begin when Peter walks in to Chotskies to ask Joanna out. That's how cool the movie is. It surprises me every time even though I've seen it twenty times.
The Ratio Of People To Cake Is Too Many
So as I watched the flick today and I realized that Peter's fantasy life is just like his real life, but more honest. In his fantasy he tells his bosses what he really thinks. He doesn't unleash his rage, he is simply expressing his true self. He's able to talk to Joanna in a similar way. Not in an overly romantic way, just that he want to try and date her.
The key example is how he encounters his actual work. He had been doing nothing during the hours he was working before the hypnotist, but after the session, he no longer hides this fact. Nothing actually changed except that he accepts the truth of what he actually does during the day. His fantasy is to be more honest about his reality. His fantasy, in a way, is realer than his reality.
I Can't Believe What A Bunch Of Nerds We Are, We're Looking Up "Money Laundering" In The Dictionary
The most important scene, for me, is when Tom is talking with the Bobs. Tom knows that he actually does nothing of value for the company he works for. But he also knows that he must try and keep this fact a secret in order to stay employed. In the same way the Bobs do not reveal that their intention is to find out who they can lay-off without disrupting the company's bottom line. Both parties know the truth about what is happening in the meeting, yet neither is willing engage the reality. Instead they dance. A terrible, sorrowful dance.
This scene is not really a funny scene. It is more of a tragic scene. Hiding intentions and real motives are common in life. No one wants to admit they are selfish, so a game is played instead. The rules are to see who can live with the lie for the longest period of time. Once someone cracks and reveals the truth, they lose. If Tom were to attack the Bobs for being hatchet-men, he'd be seen as rude and if he admits that he doesn't actually do any work, the Bobs can fire him and claim that they had no choice. It's lose lose.
See, no one wants to make a decision. And I'm not sure when it became the norm for managers to avoid making any decisions, but that is exactly what is happening in the workplace. Decisions are tricky things, I understand that. Once a decision is made, it can only go one of two ways, good or bad. Success of failure. And rather than risk making a wrong decision, why not try and manage something without making decisions at all? Try and make it look like your subordinates made the choice. And then, Blame the policy for being unclear. Never make a definitive call, so as to leave a way to wriggle out later. I'm kind of on a soapbox here. Rant complete, back to the essay.
I Believe You Have My Stapler
I guess I wonder what it says when someone's greatest dream is the waking world. All of this bullcrap that stops individuals from true intimacy and honest is borne out of comfort. The lies are nicer and seem less cruel than the truth. But that's just it, they only seem that way, they are actually more cruel. It's a short term gain and a long term loss. And that is what has come to define the last decade. Unsustainable debt. Trading the welfare of the future generations for the care of the current. It's no wonder that our fantasy is a return to reality.
And if we look at Ol' Charlie Sheen's current "breakdown" we can see an extreme case of what the rest of the country feels. He sees no reason to keep his true feelings inside. I don't think he's having a drug breakdown, he's the first astronaut to be launched into the new world of the hyper real. if you think you are better than everyone, that you are a warlock or battle-tested bayonet, why be ashamed of that? Why worry that other people may be put off by your arrogance? After all, you're an F-18, capable of shooting others down in mid-air.
Politeness has become the enemy. The illusion that we are forever altruistic ruining the oceans. No one can't shave straight because there's a fun-house mirror installed above the sink. The one that doesn't tell if a few pounds have been gained. The carnival has become a nightmare.
And that is why Office Space is a great movie. It's not as funny the more you watch it, but in a good way.
Until Next I Blog,
James
"I'm different. I have a different constitution, I have a different brain, I have a different heart. I got tiger blood, man."
Thank you Carlos Irwin Estevez. You are a genius.
I Don't Really Like Talking About My Flair
Fantasy. Reality. What is the difference? I'm not sure anymore.
Everyone loves the movie Office Space. That is a given. Well at least cool people love it. All uncool people should stop reading and start watching.
I Wouldn't Say I've Been Missing It Bob
The core of the film is the "working man's blues". Job sucks, girlfriend's cheating on me, friends are no help. And of course the movie takes us on the journey of how Peter overcomes this by altering his persepctive on his life.
I'd like to take this moment to remark on how convincing the switch over from sad sack to rocks star is. For a light comedy the acting is great. Whenever I re-watch the movie, I'm always struck by how beat down Peter is early on. The time the character spends as a loser is so short, I fully expect the movie to begin when Peter walks in to Chotskies to ask Joanna out. That's how cool the movie is. It surprises me every time even though I've seen it twenty times.
The Ratio Of People To Cake Is Too Many
So as I watched the flick today and I realized that Peter's fantasy life is just like his real life, but more honest. In his fantasy he tells his bosses what he really thinks. He doesn't unleash his rage, he is simply expressing his true self. He's able to talk to Joanna in a similar way. Not in an overly romantic way, just that he want to try and date her.
The key example is how he encounters his actual work. He had been doing nothing during the hours he was working before the hypnotist, but after the session, he no longer hides this fact. Nothing actually changed except that he accepts the truth of what he actually does during the day. His fantasy is to be more honest about his reality. His fantasy, in a way, is realer than his reality.
I Can't Believe What A Bunch Of Nerds We Are, We're Looking Up "Money Laundering" In The Dictionary
The most important scene, for me, is when Tom is talking with the Bobs. Tom knows that he actually does nothing of value for the company he works for. But he also knows that he must try and keep this fact a secret in order to stay employed. In the same way the Bobs do not reveal that their intention is to find out who they can lay-off without disrupting the company's bottom line. Both parties know the truth about what is happening in the meeting, yet neither is willing engage the reality. Instead they dance. A terrible, sorrowful dance.
This scene is not really a funny scene. It is more of a tragic scene. Hiding intentions and real motives are common in life. No one wants to admit they are selfish, so a game is played instead. The rules are to see who can live with the lie for the longest period of time. Once someone cracks and reveals the truth, they lose. If Tom were to attack the Bobs for being hatchet-men, he'd be seen as rude and if he admits that he doesn't actually do any work, the Bobs can fire him and claim that they had no choice. It's lose lose.
See, no one wants to make a decision. And I'm not sure when it became the norm for managers to avoid making any decisions, but that is exactly what is happening in the workplace. Decisions are tricky things, I understand that. Once a decision is made, it can only go one of two ways, good or bad. Success of failure. And rather than risk making a wrong decision, why not try and manage something without making decisions at all? Try and make it look like your subordinates made the choice. And then, Blame the policy for being unclear. Never make a definitive call, so as to leave a way to wriggle out later. I'm kind of on a soapbox here. Rant complete, back to the essay.
I Believe You Have My Stapler
I guess I wonder what it says when someone's greatest dream is the waking world. All of this bullcrap that stops individuals from true intimacy and honest is borne out of comfort. The lies are nicer and seem less cruel than the truth. But that's just it, they only seem that way, they are actually more cruel. It's a short term gain and a long term loss. And that is what has come to define the last decade. Unsustainable debt. Trading the welfare of the future generations for the care of the current. It's no wonder that our fantasy is a return to reality.
And if we look at Ol' Charlie Sheen's current "breakdown" we can see an extreme case of what the rest of the country feels. He sees no reason to keep his true feelings inside. I don't think he's having a drug breakdown, he's the first astronaut to be launched into the new world of the hyper real. if you think you are better than everyone, that you are a warlock or battle-tested bayonet, why be ashamed of that? Why worry that other people may be put off by your arrogance? After all, you're an F-18, capable of shooting others down in mid-air.
Politeness has become the enemy. The illusion that we are forever altruistic ruining the oceans. No one can't shave straight because there's a fun-house mirror installed above the sink. The one that doesn't tell if a few pounds have been gained. The carnival has become a nightmare.
And that is why Office Space is a great movie. It's not as funny the more you watch it, but in a good way.
Until Next I Blog,
James
Friday, February 25, 2011
Week 25: The Rocky Horror Picture Show
Dear Avid Reader,
My readers come here for the dynamic insight into pop culture and crazy writing. And of course always I deliver.
Always.
Get ready to be served.
At The Late Night, Double Feature, Picture Show
The worst thing that happened in pop culture during the last few decades happened in the sub-genres that are referred to as "nerdy". Comics, video games, underground music, and et cetera. Typically they are children's hobbies that are still enjoyed ironically, or unironically, by adults. Usually unironically.
Now this isn't a treatise on how a scene was better "back when". I don't know. Maybe it is. I leave it to the reader to decide. But I am trying to at least avoid comparisons of quality. This is because I think movies, music, and the like are better than ever. I really do. But there has been a change that I cannot abide. And that will be our fifteen minutes traffic upon this blog. Anon!
Well You Got Caught With A Flat Well How 'Bout That
I went to my first live showing of Rocky Horror just recently. And before I tell you what happened, we are going to do some background about this flick and me. When I was in 5th-7th grade I rolled with some cool people. Now that I think about it, they were probably some of the most influential people on my early development.
(I realize right now that this is going to be more of a "diary" entry rather than a crazy writing experiment. I'm not sure how this will turn out, but I have high hopes. Back to the essay.)
Now I was really shy. Seriously. Very shy. So I was in the background of this group. The leader was Michael. The guy was a leader and what's more he knew it. The guy was basically an eleven-year-old dictator. He went to theatre classes and quickly moved to bring us into this world into ours. Monty Python was an early addition. Michael had bought the books, records, and everything. And we soon began to run lines during recess. Seriously, we ran the lines. Like we were about to go on stage after lunch. Seriously. No seriously, this really happened.
I'm A Wild And An Untamed Thing I'm A Bee With A Deadly Sting
I realize this was crazy now that I've grown up. But what did we know? We were kind of the weird outsider kids. If I played Wall-Ball, I was always targeted to get bombarded until I quit. Other playground equipment had been claimed by this group or the other. This insane, drama club was the only place that would have me. So I hunkered in and learned the lines to the Dead Parrot Sketch. Anything was better than getting pelted by a tennis ball.
These experiences began my love affair with the theatre and my hatred of bullies. i can't abide a bully. And to me bullies don't take lunch money. No, bullies are people who have dedicated themselves to excluding others. They are professional ostracizers. They want to dominate someone else. It's never material, it's social. I'd much rather be robbed than humiliated. Especially in middle school.
Being exiled has always been the ultimate punishment. To be cast out. And there is a certain romance associated with the outcast in the stories we like. It's as if the individual that doesn't belong is able to see a truth that is hidden from those that do. His isolation has allowed him some perspective. He is detached and can look at his own kind as a scientist would look at a maze of rats. And by using his outsider insight, the society can benefit from the outcast's years away. In a way, they did that guy a favor.
"Bullcrap," says the unwanted man, "And don't break your arm patting yourself on the back. Once I build a raft out of these trees, I'm paddling off this island and I'm burning down that crooked judge's house. I'll show you insight!"
Cards For Sorrow, Cards For Pain
Now one would think that the downtrodden dorks of the world would understand the pain of being picked on and you wouldn't have dork bullies. But sadly this is not the case. And the rise in incidents of dork-bullying is what has made some fun pop culture moments so terrible. Including my recent trip to see Rocky Horror.
By seventh grade Michael had decided that we should try and go to a live showing of Rocky Horror. Being that this was still pre-Internet, he had bought all of the books, albums, and other stuff he needed to train us in to a lean, mean, audience-participating' machine. The Time-Warp obstacle course took more than one life, but we honored their deaths with many toast-throwing toasts.
Mind you, he didn't buy the actual movie so as to let the first time we saw it was to be in the theatre. And we were all game. Again, you have to realize our situation. What were we going to do? Get tossed off a jungle gym for being weird or learn the words to Sweet Transvestite. Pass me the music sheet please.
Rose Tints My World And Keeps Me Safe From My Trouble And Pain
But as we got closer to actually going, Michael began to turn fanatical. The turning point came when he decided that we were going to dress up as the characters. He claimed the character of Riff-Raff (distressed butler uniform) for himself, and then began making pronouncements about the rest of us. Who would be Dr. Frank (had to wear lingerie) and Rocky (nothing but a gold bikini bottom) became his single focus and dominated conversations.
He outlawed dressing as Brad, I guess because that was too easy to just wear a tux. Eddie was up for grabs, but it seemed like it wasn't ideal. Someone could be Dr. Scott, but they had to find a wheelchair. Of course I had no idea where to get one so that was out. And we had no idea that the Criminologist even existed because Michael had assumed that all of his parts were being spoken by the Pair of Lips from the opening. We weren't quite the machine we had aspired to.
In the end parents were not on board with us going. We ended up watching the movie at someones house, participating in whatever capacity we could. But the ruthlessness of Michael during those planning days has always stuck with me. Rather than getting everyone to enjoy the flick, it became more and more like he was issuing orders. And it was obvious he enjoyed the thought of us being embarrassed. At some point he had realized he was king of the geek. It was only a matter of time until he began commanding his subjects.
Hot Patootie, Bless My Soul I Really Love That Rock And Roll
One might assume that this experience would cause me to hate Rocky Horror. But this is not the case. I love the movie. I really do. Rocky Horror is fun, crazy, excessive and really original. It's easy to see why there would be a cult following for it. And those recesses spent memorizing lyrics were also fun. Michael did cross the line, but only as he got worked into a fever pitch as the event became closer. For the most part, we had fun feeding off his enthusiasm. Just like with Monty Python.
See Michael touched on something that has become all too common in these weird little niche worlds of pop culture. Early on the outcasts found these little veins of music and film that no one else had discovered. And they began to mine them. Far away from the village, the exiles had to find new places to mine. And they found strange ores like Punk, B-Movies, and graphic novels. And as the village began to exhaust their deposits, the expanded and began to bump against the exiles. Of course the little hamlets that had been hastily constructed in the wilderness. Could they stand a chance again the armies of the many? The war of the mainstream and the underground had begun.
It easy for me to write the above paragraph because that is exactly how I felt for most of my adolescence. That cool stuff needed to be protected. The geeks finally had something that the popular people wanted and we'd all be damned if they were allowed to ever enjoy it. I'm not sure who came up with the plan to become uptight snobs, but it sure caught on. And it sure convinced a lot of people.
But the plan to become so protective has back-fired. In our effort to punish those that first threw us out of the warmth of inclusion, we have started to ruin the things that we love. If an individual says they like "indie music", the impulse to roll one's eyes is staggering. These rare jewels that were so glittering when first brought to the surface are now considered tarnished. Tacky. Nerd is now short hand for pretentious. And I for won't don't blame anyone for thinking that.
Don't Dream It, Be It
This snobbishness is what happened to me at the live showing of Rocky Horror. I saw a group of people going through the motions. No joy. No fun. This was their way of indicating how much smarter they were because they knew when to throw the toilet paper. What was once a shelter that was built warm the excluded had turned into a fortress to fend off invaders. A theatre full of people paid ten bucks to be bullied by twenty nerds.
Soon, though, soon the older nerds will die off or move on. The memory of being exiled will lost. I envision a world were it is impossible to feel excluded. Even the Rocky live shows will change into the bubbly events they once were. It's already happening now. And it's wonderful.
And when that day comes, we will all dance the Time-Warp...together.
Until Next I Blog,
James
My readers come here for the dynamic insight into pop culture and crazy writing. And of course always I deliver.
Always.
Get ready to be served.
At The Late Night, Double Feature, Picture Show
The worst thing that happened in pop culture during the last few decades happened in the sub-genres that are referred to as "nerdy". Comics, video games, underground music, and et cetera. Typically they are children's hobbies that are still enjoyed ironically, or unironically, by adults. Usually unironically.
Now this isn't a treatise on how a scene was better "back when". I don't know. Maybe it is. I leave it to the reader to decide. But I am trying to at least avoid comparisons of quality. This is because I think movies, music, and the like are better than ever. I really do. But there has been a change that I cannot abide. And that will be our fifteen minutes traffic upon this blog. Anon!
Well You Got Caught With A Flat Well How 'Bout That
I went to my first live showing of Rocky Horror just recently. And before I tell you what happened, we are going to do some background about this flick and me. When I was in 5th-7th grade I rolled with some cool people. Now that I think about it, they were probably some of the most influential people on my early development.
(I realize right now that this is going to be more of a "diary" entry rather than a crazy writing experiment. I'm not sure how this will turn out, but I have high hopes. Back to the essay.)
Now I was really shy. Seriously. Very shy. So I was in the background of this group. The leader was Michael. The guy was a leader and what's more he knew it. The guy was basically an eleven-year-old dictator. He went to theatre classes and quickly moved to bring us into this world into ours. Monty Python was an early addition. Michael had bought the books, records, and everything. And we soon began to run lines during recess. Seriously, we ran the lines. Like we were about to go on stage after lunch. Seriously. No seriously, this really happened.
I'm A Wild And An Untamed Thing I'm A Bee With A Deadly Sting
I realize this was crazy now that I've grown up. But what did we know? We were kind of the weird outsider kids. If I played Wall-Ball, I was always targeted to get bombarded until I quit. Other playground equipment had been claimed by this group or the other. This insane, drama club was the only place that would have me. So I hunkered in and learned the lines to the Dead Parrot Sketch. Anything was better than getting pelted by a tennis ball.
These experiences began my love affair with the theatre and my hatred of bullies. i can't abide a bully. And to me bullies don't take lunch money. No, bullies are people who have dedicated themselves to excluding others. They are professional ostracizers. They want to dominate someone else. It's never material, it's social. I'd much rather be robbed than humiliated. Especially in middle school.
Being exiled has always been the ultimate punishment. To be cast out. And there is a certain romance associated with the outcast in the stories we like. It's as if the individual that doesn't belong is able to see a truth that is hidden from those that do. His isolation has allowed him some perspective. He is detached and can look at his own kind as a scientist would look at a maze of rats. And by using his outsider insight, the society can benefit from the outcast's years away. In a way, they did that guy a favor.
"Bullcrap," says the unwanted man, "And don't break your arm patting yourself on the back. Once I build a raft out of these trees, I'm paddling off this island and I'm burning down that crooked judge's house. I'll show you insight!"
Cards For Sorrow, Cards For Pain
Now one would think that the downtrodden dorks of the world would understand the pain of being picked on and you wouldn't have dork bullies. But sadly this is not the case. And the rise in incidents of dork-bullying is what has made some fun pop culture moments so terrible. Including my recent trip to see Rocky Horror.
By seventh grade Michael had decided that we should try and go to a live showing of Rocky Horror. Being that this was still pre-Internet, he had bought all of the books, albums, and other stuff he needed to train us in to a lean, mean, audience-participating' machine. The Time-Warp obstacle course took more than one life, but we honored their deaths with many toast-throwing toasts.
Mind you, he didn't buy the actual movie so as to let the first time we saw it was to be in the theatre. And we were all game. Again, you have to realize our situation. What were we going to do? Get tossed off a jungle gym for being weird or learn the words to Sweet Transvestite. Pass me the music sheet please.
Rose Tints My World And Keeps Me Safe From My Trouble And Pain
But as we got closer to actually going, Michael began to turn fanatical. The turning point came when he decided that we were going to dress up as the characters. He claimed the character of Riff-Raff (distressed butler uniform) for himself, and then began making pronouncements about the rest of us. Who would be Dr. Frank (had to wear lingerie) and Rocky (nothing but a gold bikini bottom) became his single focus and dominated conversations.
He outlawed dressing as Brad, I guess because that was too easy to just wear a tux. Eddie was up for grabs, but it seemed like it wasn't ideal. Someone could be Dr. Scott, but they had to find a wheelchair. Of course I had no idea where to get one so that was out. And we had no idea that the Criminologist even existed because Michael had assumed that all of his parts were being spoken by the Pair of Lips from the opening. We weren't quite the machine we had aspired to.
In the end parents were not on board with us going. We ended up watching the movie at someones house, participating in whatever capacity we could. But the ruthlessness of Michael during those planning days has always stuck with me. Rather than getting everyone to enjoy the flick, it became more and more like he was issuing orders. And it was obvious he enjoyed the thought of us being embarrassed. At some point he had realized he was king of the geek. It was only a matter of time until he began commanding his subjects.
Hot Patootie, Bless My Soul I Really Love That Rock And Roll
One might assume that this experience would cause me to hate Rocky Horror. But this is not the case. I love the movie. I really do. Rocky Horror is fun, crazy, excessive and really original. It's easy to see why there would be a cult following for it. And those recesses spent memorizing lyrics were also fun. Michael did cross the line, but only as he got worked into a fever pitch as the event became closer. For the most part, we had fun feeding off his enthusiasm. Just like with Monty Python.
See Michael touched on something that has become all too common in these weird little niche worlds of pop culture. Early on the outcasts found these little veins of music and film that no one else had discovered. And they began to mine them. Far away from the village, the exiles had to find new places to mine. And they found strange ores like Punk, B-Movies, and graphic novels. And as the village began to exhaust their deposits, the expanded and began to bump against the exiles. Of course the little hamlets that had been hastily constructed in the wilderness. Could they stand a chance again the armies of the many? The war of the mainstream and the underground had begun.
It easy for me to write the above paragraph because that is exactly how I felt for most of my adolescence. That cool stuff needed to be protected. The geeks finally had something that the popular people wanted and we'd all be damned if they were allowed to ever enjoy it. I'm not sure who came up with the plan to become uptight snobs, but it sure caught on. And it sure convinced a lot of people.
But the plan to become so protective has back-fired. In our effort to punish those that first threw us out of the warmth of inclusion, we have started to ruin the things that we love. If an individual says they like "indie music", the impulse to roll one's eyes is staggering. These rare jewels that were so glittering when first brought to the surface are now considered tarnished. Tacky. Nerd is now short hand for pretentious. And I for won't don't blame anyone for thinking that.
Don't Dream It, Be It
This snobbishness is what happened to me at the live showing of Rocky Horror. I saw a group of people going through the motions. No joy. No fun. This was their way of indicating how much smarter they were because they knew when to throw the toilet paper. What was once a shelter that was built warm the excluded had turned into a fortress to fend off invaders. A theatre full of people paid ten bucks to be bullied by twenty nerds.
Soon, though, soon the older nerds will die off or move on. The memory of being exiled will lost. I envision a world were it is impossible to feel excluded. Even the Rocky live shows will change into the bubbly events they once were. It's already happening now. And it's wonderful.
And when that day comes, we will all dance the Time-Warp...together.
Until Next I Blog,
James
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Week 24: Airplane!
Dear Avid Reader,
Two Strangers On A Plane. The are completely unassuming except the gentleman has no body save for his head and the lady is a very attractive blond that is also a cyborg-mermaid.
Two Strangers On A Plane. The are completely unassuming except the gentleman has no body save for his head and the lady is a very attractive blond that is also a cyborg-mermaid.
And Leon Is Getting Larger
Gentleman: Looks like there's gonna be rain when we land.
Lady: Excuse me?
Gentleman: There's rain in Boulder. Rain tomorrow too. You live in Boulder?
Lady: Oh no. Just visiting.
Gentleman: Oh.
Lady: Excuse me?
Gentleman: There's rain in Boulder. Rain tomorrow too. You live in Boulder?
Lady: Oh no. Just visiting.
Gentleman: Oh.
It Happened To Barbara Stanwyck
(The plane begins it's ascent into the swirling clouds)
Gentleman: Who are you visiting? In Boulder?
Lady: It's a wedding. My sister's.
Gentleman: Oh that's wonderful. Just wonderful. I love weddings.
Lady: Hmmm.
Gentleman: I'm Tom. Tom York. I'm headed back home after a work trip in Baltimore. Or was it Jacksonville?
Lady: What work do you do?
Gentleman: Exotic Dancer. Been doing it for 3 years. Just coming home from the national conference.
Lady: Interesting.
Gentleman: Before that I was a Citrus Fruit Dyer. That's what my father and his father him did. But I just had this itch to get out and see the world. It's hard, but worthwhile.
Lady: Hmmm.
Gentleman: Who are you visiting? In Boulder?
Lady: It's a wedding. My sister's.
Gentleman: Oh that's wonderful. Just wonderful. I love weddings.
Lady: Hmmm.
Gentleman: I'm Tom. Tom York. I'm headed back home after a work trip in Baltimore. Or was it Jacksonville?
Lady: What work do you do?
Gentleman: Exotic Dancer. Been doing it for 3 years. Just coming home from the national conference.
Lady: Interesting.
Gentleman: Before that I was a Citrus Fruit Dyer. That's what my father and his father him did. But I just had this itch to get out and see the world. It's hard, but worthwhile.
Lady: Hmmm.
There's A Sale At Penny's
(The plane finds it's cruising altitude and turns off the seatbelt sign)
Gentleman: What do you do?
Lady: I boil human hair for use in wigs. I also train crocodiles. I'd like to train crocs full time, but with the economy and dynamite rain...
Gentleman: I hear ya. It's tough out there.
Lady: I'm Carol by the way.
Gentleman: It's to meet you Carol. You fly often?
Lady: Rarely. I think I've flown twice in the last year. For my other sister's wedding and then to escape the overgrown beaver that destroyed the castle I was living in.
Gentleman: How was your other sister's wedding.
Lady: Beautiful. It was suspended above a bathtub of pit vipers while we all played Game Boys. She's very traditional.
Gentleman: That's the way it should be. The computer that decides what clothes I wear is super traditional.
Lady: Oh that reminds me that I need to pick up cave diapers. Mine were all destroyed during the beaver incident. (sniff) It was a very difficult time:
(Gentleman wipes her tears away with revolver)
Gentleman: There there. it will be alright.
Lady: Thank you. Look at me. Making a fool of myself in front of a total stranger.
Gentleman: Yes. Yes you are.
Gentleman: What do you do?
Lady: I boil human hair for use in wigs. I also train crocodiles. I'd like to train crocs full time, but with the economy and dynamite rain...
Gentleman: I hear ya. It's tough out there.
Lady: I'm Carol by the way.
Gentleman: It's to meet you Carol. You fly often?
Lady: Rarely. I think I've flown twice in the last year. For my other sister's wedding and then to escape the overgrown beaver that destroyed the castle I was living in.
Gentleman: How was your other sister's wedding.
Lady: Beautiful. It was suspended above a bathtub of pit vipers while we all played Game Boys. She's very traditional.
Gentleman: That's the way it should be. The computer that decides what clothes I wear is super traditional.
Lady: Oh that reminds me that I need to pick up cave diapers. Mine were all destroyed during the beaver incident. (sniff) It was a very difficult time:
(Gentleman wipes her tears away with revolver)
Gentleman: There there. it will be alright.
Lady: Thank you. Look at me. Making a fool of myself in front of a total stranger.
Gentleman: Yes. Yes you are.
Why I Can Make A Hat Or A Brooch Or A Pterodactyl
(The plane rumbles through some mild turbulence.)
Lady: Is it hard to be away from your family during these trips?
Gentleman: It is. My wife and my tree wife are the center of my life right now. And it being harvest at the clenched fist, well, you can imagine I need to hurry home.
Lady: That's so nice. My father worked a catastrophe orchard and sand Mp3 files. My fondest memories are of my times burning the houses down.
Gentleman: Yes, (sniff) it is a wonderful world. Look now you are spreading the fool all around this cabin.
Lady: We are certainly a pear.
Lady: Is it hard to be away from your family during these trips?
Gentleman: It is. My wife and my tree wife are the center of my life right now. And it being harvest at the clenched fist, well, you can imagine I need to hurry home.
Lady: That's so nice. My father worked a catastrophe orchard and sand Mp3 files. My fondest memories are of my times burning the houses down.
Gentleman: Yes, (sniff) it is a wonderful world. Look now you are spreading the fool all around this cabin.
Lady: We are certainly a pear.
How About Mister Rogers?
(The cockpit explodes and the cabin plummets to the ground from 37,000 feet.)
Lady: Oh just my luck. And right before the in-flight too.
Gentleman: It was Airplane. That funny movie. Have you seen it before?
Lady: Oh yes. I love that movie. Don't you think it's interesting that it is still fresh after all these years.
Gentleman: I know. It's a spoof. You'd think the humor would seem very dated, but it doesn't. The only bad thing about it is how you can trace the line from it to those awful spoof movies you see now. Like Scary Movie, or Epic Movie...
Lady: Oh, I do hate those movies. But Airplane. I remember seeing it when I was very young, but those images stuck with me. Like the "drinking problem" gag or when the kid's I.V. gets unplugged. At this point they aren't even funny parts of the movie because they are such an integral part of my memories.
Gentleman: For me it's the zaniness of Johnny. His non-sequiturs, right out of left field. I love that kind of humor.
Lady: Well, it has been nice talking with you Tom.
Gentleman: You too Carol.
Lady: Maybe you could bring the family to the wedding. You know. My sister's.
Gentleman: I think that would be lovely.
Until Next I Blog,
James
Lady: Oh just my luck. And right before the in-flight too.
Gentleman: It was Airplane. That funny movie. Have you seen it before?
Lady: Oh yes. I love that movie. Don't you think it's interesting that it is still fresh after all these years.
Gentleman: I know. It's a spoof. You'd think the humor would seem very dated, but it doesn't. The only bad thing about it is how you can trace the line from it to those awful spoof movies you see now. Like Scary Movie, or Epic Movie...
Lady: Oh, I do hate those movies. But Airplane. I remember seeing it when I was very young, but those images stuck with me. Like the "drinking problem" gag or when the kid's I.V. gets unplugged. At this point they aren't even funny parts of the movie because they are such an integral part of my memories.
Gentleman: For me it's the zaniness of Johnny. His non-sequiturs, right out of left field. I love that kind of humor.
Lady: Well, it has been nice talking with you Tom.
Gentleman: You too Carol.
Lady: Maybe you could bring the family to the wedding. You know. My sister's.
Gentleman: I think that would be lovely.
Until Next I Blog,
James
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