Thursday, June 30, 2011

Week 43: Dirty Dancing

Dear Avid Reader,

Start writing. It's pretty fun.

That's what I keep telling myself.

Yo Cuz, What's She Doing Here?

In the Star Trek episode "Tapestry", Picard has to come to grips with his past. He has regrets, specifically, a nearly fatal bar brawl that requires him to have an artificial heart transplant. But through an experience constructed by the character Q, he realizes that pulling at the loose threads of his life, the regretful parts, would unravel the tapestry of his life.

It's a great episode that i think about when ever I daydream. But one of the problems of that episode is that we don't full experience of the regretful action. Picard only chooses to fight the Nausicaans toward the end of the show. Most of the show is Picard dodging the fight.

Oh Come On Ladies, God Wouldn't Have Given You Maracas If He Didn't Want You To Shake 'Em

Now in Dirty Dancing, we the whole thing feels right. The film is pitch perfect for a big beautiful mess. In life, throwing everything in the air just to chase the feeling of love/lust is par for the course. Especially when you are 16-22 years old. The story of Baby and Johnny is almost a documentary of this phenomenon. It really is.

It's the little things. How quickly Baby starts lying to her parents (money for the abortion, agreeing to not see Johnny again). How quickly things get out of hand (agreeing to help with an abortion, agreeing to become a dancer). How quickly she encounters human ugliness (Robbie, her dad's prejudices, her sister's scorn, the abortion doctor's poor work). All of this happens the moment she decides to try and do things on her own. The film just feels so right. Right down to Baby being convinced that all those women really were using Johnny and not the other way around. Only an idiot kid would fall for that line.

You Were Right, Johnny. You Can't Win No Matter What You Do

But the problem is the ending of the movie. It would end in the total opposite way. Robbie would never have been found out and Jake would have given him that money. Baby and Johnny would never see each other again. In fact Johnny may have been arrested. Wait, why wasn't Johnny arrested?

And Baby's dad would never have relented. The evidence that his way of life is correct is all around him. He has money, a great job, other rich people like Max fall over themselves trying to please him. And a dance number is gonna shake his resolve? There's no way that dude stays quiet while his daughter yells at him on a dock. The kind of guy Jake is, he's gonna slap his dirty whore of a daughter's mouth shut.

I Carried A Watermelon

So, the ending is the only part of the movie that I don't like. Because it rings false to the emotional tone of the rest of the flick. But I have a solution: a new ending. Get ready cause it's genius. Everything in the movie is the same until we get to the talent show. The cast is singing Voices Hearts and Hands. Max gets done talking about how it's all "slipping away", then the camera focuses on Baby in her corner. We zoom in on her face. Voices Hearts and Hands is still fading in the background as we fade to the scenic campus of Mount Holyoke.

We have fast forwarded to Baby in college. Baby is sitting on the lawn with her fellow students. All of them are women, slightly liberal, and are engaged in a discussion about women's rights or how terrible Vietnam is. Then, out of the corner of her eye, she sees some painters loading up their gear into a truck. She sees Johnny place a a paint can and roller in the truck bed and head back inside of the building to get more. Baby instantly gets up and runs over to talk to him. Just then, an attractive older women pulls up to the work site with a kid in the backseat. The two of them pile out of the car and surround Johnny, who embraces the woman and gives her a long kiss. Baby looks on, and watches as the family and paint truck drive off. She returns to the group, already calling her back, eager to return to their protest planning. The camera pans back and then onto the sky while Time Of My Life plays in the background.

Roll credits.

The Steps Aren't Enough, You Have To Feel The Music

See, that's how it actually ends. If Johnny had tried to come back to the hotel, he would have had the crap kicked out of him and been summarily arrested. Jake would never have allowed that greaseball to dance with his daughter, no matter what his wife said. Max would certainly never have allowed the dancing mayhem to ensue. Neil still would have tried to hit on Mrs. Houseman, with varying success. Tito would have still been awesome.

See, these things never end well. It's because the participants arearen't really in love. Baby didn't love Johnny, she just wanted to defy her father and become an adult. Johnny didn't love Baby, he just wanted to get with a young girl. O,r if you want to give johnny some credit, maybe he once again used sex to exact revenge on those wealthy jerks who look down on him. And let's say they do run off together and Johnny becomes some sort of dancing visionary, he still doesn't become successful overnight. There are still years of rejection ahead. Years of poverty. Baby is unprepared for that kind of existence, especially after she has spent her youth preparing to be an empowered women during the 60's. This is a pure summer fling. To say otherwise is bullshit.

The regret of these events propel the two characters to greater triumph. Johnny has modest success, owning a painting business and being an above average father. He never dances again. The memories of Baby are too painful. Baby goes on to become the best civil rights lawyer in the country, never stopping to have a family as no man could live up to the memory of that summer with Johnny. The bitterness of never having a husband and never completing "the lift" drives her to punish her rivals in court.

Like all passionate affairs, this one should end in tragedy, consumed in it's own fire.

Back to your corner Baby.

Until Next I Blog,

James

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Week 42: Ferris Bueller's Day Off

Dear Avid Reader,

Gene Roddenberry believed that the world in the future was free from poverty. And if that is true, that means we would free from time most wasting activities, because all our needs would be met.

And then I could leave early from work.

He's Gonna Be A Fry Cook On Venus

Everyone is going to die. Yes. Everyone. But let's continue with the blog anyway.

Ernest Becker wrote on the topic of death anxiety. He thought that all human endeavors were driven by humanity's awareness that they would one day die. Making a car, turning in homework, applauding a really good taco, all because we are doomed. That's a lot of work staving off death. That's why Ferris invites us to take a day off.

You Realize If We Played By The Rules Right Now We'd Be In Gym?

Usually when someone blows the cover off a scam, it ends the scam. This jig is up. But the great thing about Ferris Bueller is that it may have actually made it more acceptable. America owes John Huges a debt of gratitude.

Obviously kids have been scamming parents into letting them stay home from school and chores for time immemorial. But when kids saw Ferris pulling the same crap, it made the whole act of cutting school seem heroic. He plotted and planned. He showed us that we needed to give parents the fantasy they wanted so that he could live the fantasy that he wanted. It was all part of a game, and he invited audiences to become masters.

Never Had One Lesson

Those scheming kids learned well. Even Bueller could not fool his parents too often and explained that may have to "barf up a lung" in order to take another sick day. Now savvy in the ways of occasionally skipping out on responsibility, the kids applied their art to college and then to jobs. As they grew up their careers grew alongside them.Those kids became bosses and teachers. What would happen when confronted with  skipping from their subordinates and students? Would they become the new Rooneys of the world?

I think they have engaged in another path. Look no further than the film itself. Don't fight it...embrace it.

Anyone? Anyone?

Jeannie is the unsung character of Ferris Bueller. Ferris is the goal, he is what the audience aspires to be. Typically the audience identifies with Cameron, the reluctant friend who, despite being as skilled at deceit, lacks the courage to do the awesome things that Ferris can. The movie provides hope for the Camerons. They too can become Ferris, they need only confront their fears. A happy ending for all, or so it seems.

The movie also accounts for the Jeannies. The Jeannies are those that are jealous of Ferris. They are the rule-followers. They want justice. They work hard and Ferris and his ilk do half the work and get off scot-free. Jeannies want to punish Ferris. And in true Ferris fashion, the movie attempts to charm these line-toers and asks them a simple question: seriously?

They Think He's A Righteous Dude

The answer to the question should be "absolutely not". And the reason is that in the end you die. There is no way around it. And only life/death problems should be taken seriously. The Camerons take life too seriously and the Jeannies take themselves too seriously. And like Cameron, Jeannie must come to a decision. They must face the doomed nature of their existence, realize that all of culture is an extension of a fear of death, let go of desire to conform to that culture, as it is ultimately meaningless, and join in the playing of Ferris's game. The only path to peace is to unclench the fists of desire and begin to dance.

The beautiful dance.

Until Next I Blog,

James

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Week 41: Clue

Dear Avid Reader,

Movies are fun. I hope you have been watching these flicks along with me.

Otherwise you suck.

Communism Is Just A Red Herring

The thing with Clue is that it employs a certain kind of humor. It's very similar to His Girl Friday or The Marx Brothers. The funny is in the words and the speed. It's precise. And precision is hard work. Especially when making a movie with three endings.

And that's the toughest thing to do in movies isn't it? To make a great ending? I never saw Clue in the theatres, so the film has always had three endings. I guess the best ending is the one with Wadsworth ultimately being the blackmailer. I hope I didn't just spoil one of the movies for anyone just then.

In Fact The Double Negative Has Led To Proof Positive

In a way Clue has cheated. I can't really decide if the movie ends well, because when I try to think about it, the ending gets mixed in with all the others. In a way, Clue has solved the problem of having to end it's movie by ending it three times. The finale(s) then gets absorbed into the rest of the fast comedy and washes away. In essence, it ends, but not really.
And I know the intention of the movie makers was that they would have the gimmick of audiences having different experiences and perhaps repeat visits. But now the film is consumed usually with all three being shown. But I think showing three is better than just one. And i'll tell you why.

But Look What Happened To The Cook

I think Clue comes closer to abstract art than any other film. Even more than films like Enter The Void or 2001: A Space Odyssey. Those movies end in an open ended manner and allow the viewer to add their own interpretation as to what the "meaning" is. But they end in a finite way. In 2001, there IS an old man, there IS a big black box, and there IS a floating emryo. It's crazy, but there is an ending.

Clue offers three distinct possibilities. None of the three could happen in a world where the others exisist. And by offering three plausible conclusions, the true ending is fully up for grabs. There are no indisputable facts. There are no old men or embryos to make assumptions about. We will never know who really killed those people. So in this way, Clue is only movie where you can offer your interpretaiton of how it ends and be fully right and fully wrong in an objective sense. Artistic context and intention have no bearing here. The viewer is left on his own. When Wadsworth flips the light off, the audience is fully in control when the lights come back on.

Husbands Should Be Like Kleenex: Soft, Strong And Disposable

Usually when someone tries to cram three endings it turns out like an 80's movie. Or The Lord of the Rings. But Clue works in this weird and cool way, and I like it. You should too.

Otherwise you suck.

Until Next I Blog,

James

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Week 40: The Sandlot

Dear Avid Reader,

Ever notice how hard work brings a tiredness that is unlike any other kind of tired? This is especially true when the work is outside on a hot day.

Well I am tired from working outside in the hot sun and it feels kind of good.

He Was Lucky She Hadn't Beat The Crap Out Of Him

Isn't interesting that Baby Boomer parents don't have any friends? Isn't that weird. And as they are becoming empty-nesters, they don't have anything to do. So they are staying longer at their jobs and bother their kids. And that sucks.

And what's even weirder, is that when watching movies like The Sandlot and other 50's/60's nostalgia flicks, it always seems like the children of that era had the tightest groups of friends in middle school. So what the hell happened?

You're Killing Me Smalls

I think it was wealth. In the intervening years, the kids that played in that sandlot ended up experiencing a time of huge prosperity in this country. They could afford to be alone and they chose to be alone. Just look at the increase in suburban living during the 80's and 90's. If they don't like it, Baby Boomers just move on. Just like the characters ended up doing at the end of The Sandlot.

But that time of huge consumption is over. Now is the time of the hangover after the binge drinking. 9% unemployment looks to be the new normal for the foreseeable future. Low wages and greater wealth inequity are the order of the day. And I, for one, am totally pissed about it.

Anyone Who Wants To Be A Can't-Hack-It Pantywaist Who Wears Their Mama's Bra, Raise Your Hand

Being an unfortunate child of history can be hard, but there is no use in complaining too much about it. It won't change anything. I guess there is solace in knowing that I'm not as big a douchebag as baby boomers.

But not much.

Until Next i Blog,

James

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Week 39: UHF

Dear Avid Reader,

Here we are at the final stretch. It's getting harder and harder to write.

But I'm not letting you off that easy.

It's Just Like Working In A Fish Market, Except You Don't Have To Clean And Gut Fish All Day

The only way that absurdity works is if you go all the way. In UHF, when R.J. tells one of his toadies to "take that ridiculous thing off" it's funny when the toadies removes his moustache instead of his outrageous cowboy hat. But it is only transcendentally funny because the actor full commits. Rather than some sort of wink to the audience, the character looks truly crestfallen. Brilliant.

And the only way parody works is if the audience knows about the subject matter. The Town Talk bit in the movie is funny, but it is only transcendent if the viewer experienced the over-the-top talk shows of the 1980's, Geraldo Rivera's show in particular. Otherwise it's just some dude getting hit with a chair.

George, You Know I Can't Do That, You Still Owe Me Five Bucks

Both forms, parody and absurdity, rely on community. For the humor to exist, the audience must be expecting one thing, but be given another. Showing Gandhi as violent womanizer is funny because he is supposed to be non-violent and kind. When Stanley asks if he can still be janitor, it's funny because one would expect that being on television would be more appealing than cleaning a building. You get something you don't expect. Hilarious.

Knowing the viewers is key here. The comedian has to know the expectations so that he can defy them. And the best way to study a subject is to become one. Just ask Jane Goodall.

You Gotta Grab Life By The Lips And Yank As Hard As You Can

And that I think is the real appeal of UHF. It's the community that folks would love to be a part of. Friends coming together to create something. Sure it's funny, but who wouldn't want to be part of that wacky family?

Isn't that what this blog is about?

Until Next I Blog,

James

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Week 38: Big Trouble in Little China

Dear Avid Reader,

This is probably my favorite movie of all time. It RULES.

But why?

Tall Guy, Weird Clothes, First You See Him, Then You Don't

I first watched this movie when I was twelve. Or maybe eleven. And the reason I watched it was because my fifteen-year-old cousin, or was he sixteen, said that he liked it. Like. He used the word "like". And based on that shimmering review, I decided to memorize the entire movie.

I taped the film off of HBO. And I watched that bootleg copy so often that when I watch the film on my DVD copy, I am always thrown by first two minutes of dialogue. This is because I missed them when I was fumbling to get a tape in the VCR. But undeterred by those missing lines, I watched that movie over, and over and over again. I have seen this flick easily one hundred times. This is not an exaggeration.

This Is Gonna Take Crackerjack Timing, Wang

What is it about repetition that is so appealing to kids? It must be the feeling of imprinting things on a brand new brain. I can remember doing the same thing when I was a teenager; playing albums over and over memorizing the lyrics.

The only time I have done something similar in my adult life is watching episodes of The Office again and again, but I feel short of full on Teletubbies-style repeats. I guess it doesn't feel as good cutting memories into an older established brain.

May The Wings Of Liberty Never Lose A Feather

Now I know that I enjoy new albums and movies as much as I did when I was younger. But I guess I enjoy them in a different way. I can never have a formative experience with media again. And I wonder if I had chosen different films and albums to memorize, would I like different things now? Would the building change if the foundational slab was different?

I guess the question is whether I liked Big Trouble so I watched it a lot, or did I like Big Trouble BECAUSE I watched it a lot? I like to think that my cousin's recommendation only led me to the water, but I decided to keep drinking. But I was a kid eager to be cool. Maybe I just powered trough the viewings, eventually contracting some strange form of Stockholm's Syndrome. And now that I've brainwashed myself, I can never trust my memories. Maybe I hated this film all along.

You Know What Ol' Jack Burton Always Says At A Time Like This?

And because of the unnoticeable changes to my brain I would eventually take the driving rhythm and short duration of the soundtrack to find worth in punk music. This of course changed my disposition to larger, popular culture, turning me, essentially, into a curmudgeon at seventeen. This of course allowed me to develop a personality that constantly critiques the smallest cultural phenomenon and attempt to magnify them into larger truths. Perhaps in blog form.

Great. Now I have to burn this movie.

Until Next I Blog,

James

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Week 37: Road House

Dear Avid Reader,

I really don't like thinking. It's kind of a pain.

Think about THAT!

Take The Biggest Guy In The World, Shatter His Knee And He'll Drop Like A Stone

I experienced a problem recently when I attempted to describe my level of interest in a band. I wanted to say that I like the group, but that they did not rank among my favorites. So in a misguided effort to be accurate I ended up back-tracking and qualifying my opinion into meaninglessness. It sucked.

But I got to thinking, maybe the reason that it's hard to describe one's favor to a particular thing is that this country loves to exaggerate. It's a nation of polarization. And I think if reasonable discourse can be reached when discussing music/movies/etc., then reasonable discourse can be had during politics. She go with me on this.

It's Two Nouns Combined To Elicit A Prescribed Response

Here are a few pillars of this new scale. First, there are no degrees of dislike. There is no fun in finding if you hate something as opposed to if you abhor it. Just dislike it and move on. Second, there is nothing wrong with stopping at one level and not proceeding to the other, and trying to change someone else's rating is counterproductive to this experiment. If Betty tells Jeff that she only likes Band XYZ, Jeff should applaud the Betty's ability to understand her own taste and not berate her for failing to fully embrace the majesty of Band XYZ. This leads us to the last rule.

Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, people are allowed to change their opinions over time. Let us use out previous example. Betty, since she last saw Jeff, has spent some more time listening to the Band XYZ canon and has grown to truly appreciate the subtle nuance of the guitar playing. She has upgraded to loving the ban. But Jeff becomes frustrated. he wonders why this sudden change has happened in Betty. Why couldn't she see the awesomeness before? Is she trying to appear as if she is a fan in order to look cool to strangers? Jeff shuns Betty and tells her that she will never be a "real fan". Betty kills Jeff with a flamethrower.

You're Too Stupid To Have A Good Time

Now both characters overreacted to the situation. There was no need for Betty to kill Jeff. While he was being a total dick about things, he didn't deserve to die. Similarly Jeff was way out of line with Betty. Does it really matter that Betty changed her mind about a band? Who really cares? Shouldn't Jeff have been happy that there was someone he could share his interests with? I think so. But instead he ended up dead. So sad.

When finding one's self in a discussion about culture, be sure to check your reactions. Be wary of overstating an allegiance to a particular film or book. Is it really that good? Is it really that bad? In essence, the goal is to eliminate exaggeration when possible. It helps everyone.

On with the new scale!

I'd Thought You'd Be Bigger

-1 : Hate/Dislike/Abhor

Save for things that are worthy of scorn. Is the work offensive? If not, think about upgrading to "OK".

Examples: The Pest, Cool As Ice, Creed, Nickelback, Godfather Part III

0 : OK

For works that are neutral. In all honesty, does the work create a feeling of ambivalence? Use when having a hard time remembering details of the work.

Examples: Most things that people think they hate/like, Step by Step, M. Night Shyamalan, Christina Aguilera

1 : Like

The overall feeling the work gives is positive. Do qualifiers appear when discussing the work (examples: PRETTY good, KINDA liked it, FAIRLY descent)? If so something may be preventing a leap into fully accepting the work.

Examples: Jerry Bruckheimer movies, Huey Lewis and the News, R.E.M, The Addams Family

2: Love

The positive feeling of the work creates a desire to convince others of the works worthiness. Do quotes from the work pepper conversation? Something deeper than like would drive a person to visit Wikipedia, IMDB, or the official website for more information.

Examples: The Andy Griffith Show, The Beatles, The Godfather, The Wizard of Oz, Seinfeld, Weezer's Blue Album

3 : Ardor/Devotion/Passion

The positive feeling may cause a desire to protect the work rather than proselytize. Was the work first discovered during the ages of 12-17? Is there a suspicion that others can never enjoy the work to it's fullest? Save for when the work is precious, deeply sentimental, formative, and or is perceived to describe a personal quality of the fan.

Examples (of what devoted fans look like): Star Trek, KISS, Rocky Horror Picture Show, Harry Potter, Star Wars

I Got Married, To An Ugly Woman. Don't Ever Do That. It Just Takes The Energy Right Out Of You.

So I say all of this to say, you probably don't hate Road House. You are actually ambivalent toward it and may even like it. So stop groaning in conversations when I say that i love this movie. Search your honest feelings before speaking. You may find that you don't have any.

And I won't have to spend an afternoon writing about it.

Until Next I Blog,

James